Press "Enter" to skip to content

Monster Hand

Archivist note: This article is from an older recovered archive and might be obsolete or in need of updating.

Most recent revision is shown below, by Bookworm.

==Initial Post==

”Posted by Mr. Django Yifu on June 2, 2008”

Masters Django Yifu and Dreddpiratebob Streeter would like to cordially invite the residents of New Babbage to an exhibit not seen before in our little town!

From the deepest and darkest of the far Southern Continents comes an example of fauna unequaled in the modern age.

‘Aving successfully defeated a beast of tremendous size and ferocity, Stanley Effingham ‘as shipped a token of his adventures for the good citizens of New Babbage to peruse at their leisure.

Roll up! Roll up! Come see “The Hand”!

A wonder beyond description!

Safety Guaranteed!

On view now at Stanley’s Emporium, Contrivers Concord, Port Babbage.

(Though others may try to tell you otherwise this exhibit is perfectly safe and viewers will come to no’ arm what so ever!)

==Comments (page 1)==

*Reply by Jenny Merryman on June 2, 2008 at 11:51pm
Well, I must say, I viewed the thing, and tis quite atrocious! One can only imagine the beast from whence it came. *shudder*

The thing has made quite a mess of the flooring as well. Mayhap you’ll be needing some soap to clean and sanitize the area once the thing has been removed?

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 3, 2008 at 9:22am
I know, lad, that you say it is quite safe, but personally, I think it may be responsible for that horrid cough you have. Have you had somebody give you a check up yet? I would highly recommend Doctor Whitfield. He is quite capable, and is pretty much the only one of Babbage’s many doctors who is ever around when he is needed, and the only one with facilities to my knowledge. Do go pay him a visit in Loner Lane at your earliest opportunity.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 3, 2008 at 1:47pm
I ‘ad Dr Whitfield take a look at me lungs, ta for askin’ Mr Dagger. A Dr Razor was also on ‘and to provide a second opinion. They advised plenty of rest and some ‘erbal tonics. They said “the hand” was fine and dandy, ‘onest they did! They never said it should be burned, destroyed or removed from public view or nothin’.

I ‘ighly recommend givin’ it a prod or maybe even tastin’ some…It’s got a right good flavor to it and it’s made me a new boy!

I feel splendid…(cough, cough)….I never felt better (splutter)….don’t know what the fuss is all abo……(hack)!

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 4, 2008 at 1:20pm
When do you keep office hours, Kind Doctor? I am suffering from allergies, which makes it difficult to read poetry aloud without a bout of coughing every few lines.

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 4, 2008 at 3:45pm
I may need to have you take a look at cough cough me, Doc. I merely took a whiff of the speci cough specimen. I would have thought that my blood heritage would have spared me but cough it appears that I am still affected. (and, no, young Django, that hole in the side was not produced by my poking it with my gascane.)

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 3, 2008 at 9:43am
i tell you something, it may have been the absinthe, but when i stuck a bit of it in my pie it tasted pretty good. Dont feel right good now though, cant eat for throwing up. and i got djangos cough too damn it

speaking of which, excuse me, i needs to go be si…

runs off

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 3, 2008 at 11:49am
lol reminds me of a ripping yarns episode:

The curse of the Claw

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 3, 2008 at 2:09pm
That is an excellent episode…one of my favorites in fact! I ‘ad not actually thought of the connection but now you mention it….

Wonders off to think about changing the past, future and present usin’ the power of scary claws!

*Reply by Mara Razor on June 3, 2008 at 4:15pm
I am almost 180 years old, and in all my years, I have never seen such a thing – not even amoung the slaugh! I took the liberty of sending a copy of the picture to my grandmother – Sihoban Ravenswood who is nearly 4000 years old, and she says it is from a vile and evil creature that until she saw that picture she thought it was extinct. However, she said if the hand is put in a glass case, it should be quite safe, but for heavens’ sake don’t lick it or eat it because it will surely make you sick!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 3, 2008 at 4:59pm
Hmmm…glass you say? Well I’ll see if I can knock summink together with me ‘ammer and some nails but glass might be goin’ a bit far…

vile and evil you say?……extinct you say?!

Wahay!…if it’s rare I better make the most of it…!

Roll up! Roll up!

Thought to be extinct!….Unseen for 4000 Years!

See what the others were to afeared to!

“The Hand” of New Babbage!

wonders off to think of a money making scheme

*Reply by Jimmy Branagh on June 3, 2008 at 10:27pm
Oy sawr it yesterdye with Django an’ the Doctor an’ Miss Razor, an’ Oy dint sye nothin’ then, but Oy thought Oy sawr it twitchin’ a bit.

Moight’ve just been th’ loight, eh?

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 3, 2008 at 10:51pm
I had planned to spend the evening working on my memoirs, when I happened to learn of this startling exhibit! My curiosity got the better of me and before I knew it, I was taking an evening stroll.

It’s quite ugly. I poked it a little but immediately backed away. It rather smells.

Mr. Camel soon joined me, and gave me a hot cup of tea as I seemed to have the sniffles. The flowering trees have put the pollen into the air, I am sure.

==Comments (page 2)==

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 4, 2008 at 4:00am
I dropped by to visit this wondrous marvel this very evening and I found it quite safe. I probably should have worn a surgeon’s mask though, as I believe that I have caught yours and Mr. Streeters sickness. I am a firm believer in the old adage “Physician, treat thyself.” So I went home and prepared several tonics and even an herbal compress. We’ll see if that works… *cough* though if it does not, then there is always a stiff shot of… *COUGH* morphine to be had.

And, Mr. Dagger… *COUGH* with the help of Dr. Whitfield, I am beginning to replace the medical equipment that was lost during the… *COUGH* crash of the Seraph. Off to bed for me now… *COUGH*… I… *COUGH* really must… *COUGH* be going.

Dr. Augustus Dayafter
Seraph Enterprises

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 4, 2008 at 7:25am
I’m sorry to ‘ere you picked up our cough Mr Dayafter…(cough)…It must be some ‘umours left floatin’ around from the two of us….(cough)

I can assure members of the public that “The Hand” is safe as ‘ouses and the cough…(hack)…is nuffink to do with the exhibit!

Please do not be alarmed!

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 4, 2008 at 7:33am
well I’m feeling better now, a little thinner it needs to be said, and i got the damn cold thats going round *COUGH* but at least i can keep my grog down! I can’t believe i thought it was a good idea to chew on the hand-meat. Sticking it in a pie was just stupid…

should have fried it at least!



*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 4, 2008 at 12:51pm
Just an observation…. When I first viewed this astounding hand, it was quite dry. Now there seems to be something pooling about it near the wrist. Perhaps something has changed its condition. Though I am *cough* confounded as to what that may be. The New Babbage air is surely of a much drier clime than the environs from whence it came. As for myself, I have suffered no ill effects from having been *cough cough* in its proximity.

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 4, 2008 at 1:12pm
demure polite cough I’m not sure – I think the Babbage air is suffering of late. My allergies are giving me no end of trouble today.

Perhaps that ghastly display should be under glass to keep it well preserved, and to keep the floor neat. The hem of my dress nearly became stained, and I fear poor Mister Camel got some spots on his shirt last night. I advised him to wash it in cold water, perhaps by a jump into the canals. He felt this was a wise idea, and I hope it helped.

cough I need some more chamomile and lavender tea, I believe.

*Reply by Mara Razor on June 4, 2008 at 1:19pm
Django – you naughty scamp! I do hope you’re continuing to take the herbals I gave to you! If you need more please let me know, and I’ll try to get them to you! I’m afraid my buisness takes me beyond the boarders of Babbage tonight, but I should be in Ruby’s at least some of the time on Thursday evening!

*Reply by Jenny Merryman on June 4, 2008 at 11:18pm
Whilst out for my evening constitution, my *cough* curiosity got the best of me and I once again took a gander at this monstrosity. Tis quite *sniffle* horrid.

I believe Miss Writer is *cough* correct in her assumption *ahem* that the trees are in bloom, due to the present condition of *hack* my sinus.

Oy! I am *cough* off in an attempt to locate *cough cough* Coneflower. I seem to remember seeing a small patch growing in Palisades. *cough*

*Reply by Shaunathan Sprocket on June 5, 2008 at 7:38pm
I don’t trust air I can’t see, clearly we need more factories in town if this good clean air makes you guys cough.. and if it’s the hand, I can reconmend several furnaces throughout town to dispose of it.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 6, 2008 at 4:42am
Oh no Mr Mayor! I can assure you it ain’t “The Hand” that’s to blame! I don’t know where…*cough*… this vicious rumor ‘as come from. It must be some jealous…*cough*… shop keep who is losin’ trade due to my fine…*hack*… exhibit!

Wonders off to find some cheese tincture

*Permalink Reply by Meadow McBride on June 6, 2008 at 11:21am
I thought those with coughs, and even those without, might benefit from viewing this original artwork used to advertise cough linctus. Let it serve as a cautionary tale…….

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 6, 2008 at 11:33am
(chortles) excellent Miss McBride

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 6, 2008 at 11:37am

Oh my goodness!!!!!

==Comments (page 3)==

*Reply by Storm Thunders on June 11, 2008 at 7:22pm

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 6, 2008 at 11:38am
I have found that a goodly amount of absinthe and a few shots of morphine do the trick quite well. It doesn’t actually cure anything, but it does make one no care so much about the coughing.

*Reply by Roanoke Feuerstein on June 6, 2008 at 11:39am
It seems after inspecting the hand, I too have come down with the cough. Judging from the ruddy nature of the mucus, I’d say we’ve picked up more than allergies. The deep nature of the coughs I’ve observed in myself and other brings to mind, immediately, Consumption.

Perhaps a visit to one of our fine doctors will be necessary for me. I suggest all that have such a cough do the same.

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 6, 2008 at 1:34pm
Well! *ahem* After learning of this strange fauna, I was determined to view it for myself and prove all of the naysayers wrong. It’s not evil, it’s just misunderstood. After all, I told myself, I could make a pet of it, knit mittens for it, put sparkly bracelets on it. So armed in my new dress, I quickly made my way to the Emporium, all the while thinking of names for my new pet (humm, Handy? too obvious. Lefty? it’s been used).

It was not as cute as I hoped for; rather ugly in fact. But, I was sure it had a good personality, if fauna can be said to have personalities. And what an intriguing smell it has! *slight sneeze* I am sure it can talk and will talk if given proper encouragement. *sneeze*

Pardon me while I make some herbal tea to stop this *sneeze* sneezing! I must start knitting a mitten for the poor thing. Now, where did I put my knitting needles? *sneeze*

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 7, 2008 at 12:56pm
Despite much public acclaim Masters Yifu and Streeter must regretfully announce the closing days of “The Hand” exhibit.

Despite our best intentions many ‘ave come to see “The Hand” as a threat to the citizens of New Babbage! Although we are still completely sure that “The Hand” is entirely safe we feel we must now bow to public pressure.

So folks if you ain’t seen it yet come on over to Stanley’s or if you fancy a tasty and ‘ealthy nibble head on down to Master Streeters “hog” roast next to the Working Mans Pub.

*Reply by Mara Razor on June 8, 2008 at 1:50pm
Where is the Working Man’s Pub?

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 8, 2008 at 2:23pm
Behind P. Irates outlet in Port Babbage and to the side of Mr Streeters cafe which is currently situated behind Stanley’s Emporium.

If you head down the alley between Stanley’s and P. Irates you will spot it I’m sure!

*Reply by Mara Razor on June 8, 2008 at 1:53pm
Well, I’ll be putting out supper for the naughty scamps at 11:30 SLT at Ruby’s.

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 9, 2008 at 6:03am
Let me just say, *HACK* its way tastier when its roasted, and i havnt had more than the usual *COUGH* belly gripes.

Come and try it, before the authorities make us chuck it away

grumble grumble bloody bossy boots humph

*Reply by Bela Lubezki on June 7, 2008 at 8:04pm
finally i couldnĀ“t resist, visiting that “thing”, too. but i felt the urge to take reasonable precautions. equipped with lead shoes, impermeable suit, loricate helmet, a little hammer, oxigene for 2 hours and a radium source for illuminiting the scene i visualised “The Hand”. Interesting, if not even dreadful. and i neither sustained lasting damages, nor do i feel sick or consumptive after.

just handling the radium for the lamp without my riveter gloves was a bad idea…

*Reply by Miriam Michaud on June 8, 2008 at 2:56pm
Miss Lubezki, I’m glad to see someone took sensible precautions when viewing the hand.

My dear sister, Miss Voom, is quite concerned with the cities health after witnessing the collapse of Dr. Dayafter last evening. The poor man really is very ill.

As a consequence of her concern, my sister has insisted that i remain at a friends house beneath the Vernian Sea until this public health situation improves.

I’m not exactly happy about this seclusion, but i do recognize that my condition may demand it, and do think it a wise decision.

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 8, 2008 at 6:25pm
Oh no Ms. Michaud, it was Mr. Dagger that collapsed last night. I have just merely lost an eye. It was entirely my own fault as well. One should not work with any sort of sharp objects whilst having coughing fits. Not to worry, I have had it replaced.

==Comments (page 4)==

*Reply by Miriam Michaud on June 9, 2008 at 1:25pm
Oh, I’m terribly sorry about the confusion. My sister was in such a state, and I barely awake [she pulled me from my bed to tell me the news]. I must have misheard.

I do hope the new eye works well for you, and that there wasn’t too much pain involved, although I’m sure it couldn’t have been pleasant. I should very much hate to lose one of my own.

I haven’t seen my sister since yesterday evening, nor anyone else for that matter. Is Mr. Daggers condition improving?

*Reply by Anabella Voom on June 9, 2008 at 1:41pm
my dear one, im so sorry i havent contacted you before now…but i too am showing signs of infection, and thus think it best to stay away for the time being…be patient, im sure this situation will be resolved soon..

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 10, 2008 at 7:23am
My Dear Miss Michaud. Thank you for your concern. This infernal infection did have me out of sorts and off my feet for quite some time, but I seem to *cough* be recovering quite *coughsputterhack* quite nicely. I seem have bouts of the infection, followed by a clarity I have never known before. Perhaps it is the blood of my heritage that has gotten me through this far.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 9, 2008 at 8:35am
Well it appears that my dreadful cough ‘as changed somewhat. I am now spitting up a foul blend of green expulsions. I do ‘ope this marks a turn in the nature of this awful infection!

It would also appear that “The Hand” has undergone some sort of change over night also. The pooling fluids have turned to a dark shade of green as well as all of the exposed flesh. It seems to be drawing in on itself somewhat and maybe shriveling.

I intend to burn the darned thing and be done with it. I’m sure that it ‘ad nothing to do with the infection that is sweepin’ across Babbage at the moment but to set citizens minds at rest.

If any one would like to see the exhibit before it’s eventual destruction I would suggest you visit soon.

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 9, 2008 at 8:38am
You’re doing what now?!

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 9, 2008 at 8:43am
nagging voice Didn’t I tell you that horrid thing could bring nothing good? Can you take it far away to burn it? I don’t want to breathe any more of the smoke off it’s flesh. Poopdeck’s pipe was enough!

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 9, 2008 at 9:39am
From the upper level of Her Dark Materials, where Ceejay Writer has been languishing on her couch, lost in fits of coughing, she hears the cry of Eureka, and dares to hold out a small hope!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 9, 2008 at 11:08am
Do you ‘ave something discovered Dr Mason…I would be intrigued if you think you ‘ave found a cure for this damned cough…*cough*…I am feelin’ a little better but still suffer…*cough*…from this naggin’ tickle and a bout of the sweats…*hack*

*Reply by Anabella Voom on June 9, 2008 at 1:57pm
i hope you are correct Doctor…ive been dosing myself with various herbal concoctions, to little effect [at least as far as the illness is concerned]…

a word of warning to others…tincture of belladonna does nothing for the illness…and has some very unpleasant side effects…

i spent last night having the most unpleasant dreams of ‘passing’ through walls as though i were a ghost…

my eyes are now strangely affected, i cannot focus them, my pupils are dialated…consequently, i keep running to things…falling down…and oddly enough, doing flips in the air…

*Reply by Anabella Voom on June 10, 2008 at 2:20pm
Dr. Mason,
im now convinced that my ‘flips’ were imagined…the product of delusions brought on by the belladonna…

im sorry if ive ‘muddied the waters’…some of what ive written should be discounted…

my thoughts are only now returning to some kind of order…that is, i think they are…


*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 9, 2008 at 5:04pm
I look forward to speaking to you soon Dr Mason…*cough*…

Wanders off in search of his herbals

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 10, 2008 at 9:21am
Dr. Mason,
I have some information that you might find useful. Please contact me as soon as possible as I believe it is of utmost importance and very relevant in helping you on your way to a cure.

In Service,
Dr. Augustus Dayafter
Seraph Enterprises

==Comments (page 5)==

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 10, 2008 at 10:28am
Intrigue upon…*cough*…intrigue. I ‘ope these…*cough*…doctor types ain’t settin’ up some sort of scam…*hack*…to get an ‘old of the good citizens…*snuffle*…hard earned cash!

At least I’m not feelin’ as peaky as I was…*cough*…even me appetite ‘as returned…*sneeze*

Wanders off to find some beer and a cheese sandwich

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 10, 2008 at 1:08pm
A scam… A scam… Young master Yifu the thought is offensive. You take us for “snake oil” salesmen? A true physician does not need money for his services. In fact I have handled plenty of cases pro bono publico, as if that was any of your business. A scam indeed, where I am from that would have gotten you a well deserved and quite sound thrashing sir, possibly even challenged to a duel. I understand that as one close to the urchins and destitute of the city, you have seen plenty of predators out for monetary gain, but I can assure you that my colleagues I are not out to “get a hold” on any citizens money.

In Service,
Dr. Augustus Dayafter
Seraph Enterprises

*Reply by Kordite Eizenberg on June 10, 2008 at 5:41pm
Having been somewhat inattentive to local affairs, I had only just yesterday heard of the installation of “The Hand” at Stanley’s Emporium and I went to investigate. The result of hallucinatory vaporsI had intended to approach cautiously but misjudged the geography and, arriving my monocycle, was suddenly upon the shop front. Immediately, I experienced odd symptoms, known colloquially as “lag” and then, astonishingly, my gender changed. Surely it was an illusion brought on by poisonous vapors but for a time I appeared as a woman.

Retreating a distance of a full block, I composed myself. Restored to my right mind and anatomy, I approached again, this time with a respirator mask to protect me from the fumes. The hallucinations did not recur. Prepared for any eventualityThe batrachian hand was suitably squamous and while I did get quite close in my investigation I refused to actually touch its ichorous surface with my bare or even my gloved hand. Others had done so previously and suffered a reported respiratory infection of mysterious lineage. By taking simple precautions I avoided issue.

I am not a scientist but I have played one upon the stage and so, through that experience, I am of the opinion that this monstrosity may well be a hoax or, if not a complete fabrication, a side-show stunt. One would think that, were this truly a discovery of great scientific import, it would be in the hands of noted scientists rather than sitting on the floor of a sidestreet shop.

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 11, 2008 at 4:37am
you see! its not the hand! ha! Now can we stop the plan to burn it?

Thank you for bringing reason to this furore

*Reply by Poopdeck Halfpint on June 10, 2008 at 6:24pm
Garshk! They aint nuthins rongs wit tha big ol’ monsker han’! I jumpered onnit, sniffered at it, tooked a coupler licks of’n it wit me tung, and scrapered sum off’n it, jammered it in me pipe an’ smokered it, an’ I aint eeving gots so muchk as a sniffles!

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 10, 2008 at 7:46pm
Stamps her foot in frustration I tell you, the poor creature is simply misunderstood! Wherever you house this poor creature, do be humane *cough*

I almost have finished knitting a giant pink mitten for the poor dear.

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 11, 2008 at 2:54am
I finally came out of my watery home and had a look at this monstrosity, though I kept my underwater breathing apparatus on to be on the safe side.

This thing is really is past it’s shelf shelf and in my humble opinion should be disposed of forthwith before it starts attracting rats or other vermin, particularly if the rats get infected with this odd malady and end up with a full blown pandemic….

Need I say Black Plague?

Nevertheless, I have taken a few small samples to see what my mushrooms make of it, they’re rather good at digesting toxins. I have noticed however that some fool has taken an entire finger? What on earth for? Are they hoping to concoct something vile, what would they need so much flesh for?

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 11, 2008 at 4:40am
That was me! Seems a *cough* shame to let it go off so it’s roasting up *burp* ‘scuse, the alley. its kept me going all week. Have a taste, its way better cooked proper!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 11, 2008 at 1:36pm
Aye…*cough*…It tastes truly scrumptious! It’s just a…*hack*…shame we’re runnin’ out! Ne’er mind…*sneeze*…I’m sure summat else tasty will turn up.

Hmmmm…I feel a blowout on the…*cough*…horizon!

wanders off wipin’ a tear for Miss Justice

*Reply by Poopdeck Halfpint on June 11, 2008 at 3:12pm
Ahoy! Saves sum fer me!

*Reply by Bela Lubezki on June 11, 2008 at 2:43pm
uh oh, now i know where this strange smell comes from. since the academy sim arose from the sea, its even stronger, because no fresh ocean breeze filters that effluvium

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 11, 2008 at 5:47pm
Uh oh Dredd! Your gonna…*cough*…be in trouble! Your…*hack*…gonna be in trouble!

At least the roast weren’t nothin’…*cough*…to do with me. That’s one thing I can’t get he blame for…*atchoo*

==Comments (page 6)==

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 13, 2008 at 4:54am
you’ve had enough eatin out of it!

Sorry miss Lubezki, i’ll damp the fire and move the meat :/

mumble its always my fault. pah snot fair

*Reply by Shaunathan Sprocket on June 11, 2008 at 7:29pm
perhaps there needs to be a city ordinance regarding how long dead things can lay before they are burried, don’t you think it’s about time to bury this thing django?

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 11, 2008 at 7:54pm
although I am quite new ( i think an ordinance) is a grand idea :) Sir !!!
structure and organization always key to success to a wonderful rapid growing city ~
and DJ dear your cough seems to be getting worse oh dear indeed !!

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 12, 2008 at 3:00am
And what, reanimate them? Truthfully sir, what would you do with said unfortunates?

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on June 12, 2008 at 7:50am
Cadaver anatomy is an essential part of a medical education. The intricate design of the human body cannot be fully appreciated without a detailed examination of the tissues and organs and their myriad connections. For the next generation of medical students, earning the privilege to study a human body is an important stepping stone in their transition from student to physician. Furthermore, the use of a cadaver in medical and scientific experiments is an integral part of that experimentation or testing. Unless, that is, you would rather send living subjects to be cut on and studied?

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 12, 2008 at 8:59am
I quite agree sir, I refer instead to Dr Mason’s interests in “sentient construct” assembly, imagining somewhat Frankenstein like constructs.

I ask in order to ascertain the truth, rather than make improper assumptions, in my role as a member of the Miskatonic Overwatch Committee.

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 12, 2008 at 11:01am
Spirits no, but Hounds of Tindalos yes.

If you’ll permit I’d like to observe one of your reanimation experiments.

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 12, 2008 at 9:48am
My Dear Mister Nemeth,
It has come to my attention that young Jimmy Branagh has received an unsolicited package from Miskatonic, containing, as he says, “really old books”, and other “leathery items”. He has said they came to him amongst a shipment of other items for his shop in Loner lane. As you are a member of the Miskatonic Overwatch Committee, I would highly suggest you make an inquiry.

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 12, 2008 at 11:05am
Interesting – I’ll contact young Jimmy shortly.

Thank you Mr Dagger.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 12, 2008 at 8:00am
OK…I give in let’s be rid…*sneeze*…of this infernal hand. It’s made a right mess of me floor and it’s giving out a right stink…*cough*…

The Hand will be burnt on Friday at 2.00pm PDT / 10.00pm GMT..*hack*…I plan to burn it in the alley outside Stanley’s Emporium unless…*cough*…someone ‘as a better place for disposin’ of such a foul exhibit!

If you would like to say goodbye to the ‘and please drop by…*cough*…I expect it would burn for around an hour judgin’ by the size of it.

*Reply by Storm Thunders on June 12, 2008 at 9:15am
Friday afternoon, hmm? I will miss the festivities as I’ll be fleeing town away on travel.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have it encased in a block of concrete and given a burial at sea?

*Reply by Elfod Nemeth on June 12, 2008 at 11:15am
My Yifu,

I have an alternate proposal. I have an organic material disposal device, based around the work of fungi – it can decontaminate and render and organic material into clean soil.

Something the size of the hand will take approximately one month, however the facility is 50m beneath the Vernian Sea so there will be no danger of foul smells or vermin issues during this time.

I am installing this facility today hopefully so will contact you as as it is ready.

Everyone will of course be welcome to view the facility as well.

==Comments (page 7)==

*Reply by Bela Lubezki on June 12, 2008 at 8:57am
dear mister yifu, i am grateful that you announce the date and time of the burning. i am grateful that you burn it at all, but this way i can close my windows…(remembers the open inner yard of the factory) put on some breathing devices / leave the city for some hours. i would have considered to dump the remains into the vernian sea, but i think at least mr. nemeth and miss janus would have disagreed about the idea of seeing the carcass sailing past their windows. one could have burried the hand under the foundation of the academy building, but the ashes will fit there too. on the other hand (*giggles about her own pun*) a right cornerstone needs something living to be burried with… (*wanders off, wondering what she did burry under her own building…*)

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 12, 2008 at 9:53am
I invite anybody who has not sufficient means of closing themselves in for the duration of the Hand burning to take refuge in my basement flat under Ruby’s Pub in the Canal District. It is about as far away from Stanley’s Emporium as you can get, and the place is quite nicely brick, stone, and mortar sealed. Just be sure to stay away from the well.

One may gain egress via the docks behind Ruby’s.

As for myself, I intend to eat some roast be on hand at the burning.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 12, 2008 at 10:29am
Cement might be a good idea…or perhaps burning it, compressing the ashes into a cannonball, and firing them into the Vernian? Doctor Dayafter and Chef Gregoe showed me the “exhibit” t’other night. I fired a few shots into it just to be safe before I approached, but they all ricocheteted off’n it…have you lads considered skinnin’ that mother and makin’ some buff coats out of it? T’would make some fine leather armored outerwear, it would… ::grins::

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 12, 2008 at 11:01am
I for one humbly think additional samples should be taken indeed !!!!
who knows what this “giant thing” ( grins @ pun for those who see it)
may carry or spread among us …. loves the cannonball idea Captain quite clever of you there …….
thinks for a moment on the issue of burning in the city limits
perhaps taking it to the outskirts a better idea …
Perhaps even a cremation in a crematorium of sorts …
one would hate the thought of smoking out all and the damage it could cause
to residents lungs and internal organs..alone … .. oh MY !!!
( shall perhaps make a point to swing by * grins*)

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 12, 2008 at 11:34am
Well thank you, ma’am. My crew came up with the “ash cannonball” idea on an island that was plagued with undead. Head and body were burned, compressed into the balls, and then fired from opposin’ sides of t’island as a means to be sure that the slain creatures remained at peace.

I’m not sayin’ “The Hand” could become zombified or what not, but I’ve been on islands at the start of zombie outbreaks. It starts with coughing. Then people are coughing up blood. In a few days, they’re droppin’ like flies…then they get back up. Turns out I’m immune to a whole lot of diseases, and I’m still unsure as to why that is, but I certainly don’t want to see you folks joinin’ the ranks of the walking dead…so I’m awful glad “The Hand” is being burned. I mean, if the creature is that rare and that dag nasty evil, Axiom only knows what sort of curses that rotting hide contains….but I’ll still buy that hide for cheap, Django & Bob. Think about it.

*Reply by Meadow McBride on June 12, 2008 at 11:52am
I’ve been following the Monster Hand convo with much quiet amusement :)

However, I had an alarming thought – say someone gets hold of this ‘hand’, puts it in some sort of electro-recharging device and it grows back into the entire monster??!!!

In much the same way Oddbod’s finger grew into Oddbod Junior in the Carry On film – ‘Carry On Screaming!’ !!! My God, that used to scare the hell out of me! :s

Here’s a link for those either too young to remember, or not familiar with the British institution known as the ‘Carry On’ film. :)

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 12, 2008 at 1:11pm
There are too many mad professors…*cough*…around Babbage to give ideas like that to…*sneeze*..! If the ‘and gets stolen and turned into a zombie I ain’t ‘oldin’ the blame…*hack*..!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 12, 2008 at 1:33pm
Well at least it couldn’t bite anyone…I mean…it’s a hand. ::looks worried, sharpens saber::

*Reply by Kordite Eizenberg on June 12, 2008 at 8:35pm
I see that someone has dragged the hand from the Emporium and set fire to it. It is, at this time, still burning and while not charred, it is not entirely dephlogisticated.

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 13, 2008 at 5:23am
SOME BUGGERS BURND IT! I know it was going to get burnted later but not right next to the bloody shop. I dint even have time to say good bye or givr it a final lick or owt

Some ones responsible and when i find out who there will be a reckoning fair enough! This towns getting like some kind of fascist state where ya cant have a mouldy hand or anything good

I’m off to get right drunk and then we’ll see! Then we’ll see!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 13, 2008 at 5:41am
If I gets me ‘ands on whoever set fire to my ‘and I’ll extract it’s weight from their bloody corpse. I am shocked and apalled that someone would take matters into their own ‘ands and burn the property of a poor young lad!

I’m so angry I’m not even…*hack*…coughing! Damn!!!!

Wanders off to beat the script monkeys

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 13, 2008 at 6:00am
i dun drunk some new stuff *hack* . its briwliant. everything feels nice like it wood, like it wuold be to cuddle up with the hand one mor time *cough*


Sob HACK Cry

==Comments (page 8)==

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 13, 2008 at 6:09am
So the ‘and might…*cough*…be burnin’ but we found plenny of…*hic*…alcihol todrown our sorrows…*hic*…

Grandpa sent a hip…*cough*…full of crates that I ‘ad been too ill to open…*hic*…But today…*cough*…I felt the urge and guesssss wha’…*hic*…They’re fulla booooze! Summick called nectar…*hic*..! Dredd an’ I are on a bender to forget our…*cough*…woes!

Wanders off to look for quiet place to be sick..*belch*…

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 13, 2008 at 9:29am
Ye have my sympathies, mates. Perhaps ye might make yourselves a large lounge chair in t’shape of the hand, that ye might cuddle with it and such. Might even be able to sell that…reckon the stuffin’ would taste awful, though. So, planning on sellin’ any of that nectar, lads?

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 13, 2008 at 10:13am
Nah…different boats..*cough*…an’ it’s out there for ya ta take…*hic*…check out the docks or Stanley’s Emporium for a bottle :-)

Wanders off to stop that floor from spinnin’

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 13, 2008 at 10:24am
I’m all out of absinthe. Perhaps I will stop in at Stanley’s for a bottle!

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 13, 2008 at 10:17am
the nectrr is blumn crackin! Ivv hardl hd morn a few botkless and m quite quite drunkd!

Git it daan ya!

huurrrggkkkkkkkkk splattter hic

*Reply by Goldfish Quan on June 13, 2008 at 12:23pm
Cracking is definitely the word I would use to describe my hangover
shuffles back to bed

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 13, 2008 at 10:20am
muzt sayy im feelin better and hrdly coffin at alll. my faze has come up in lumps though. check it owt!

an my mouth right hurrtzz too

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 16, 2008 at 4:50am
its like hard *cough* lumps under the skin and theres something right *hack* sharp it feels like

I tried giving them a squeeze *cough* but nothing came out

I’ll try and get to a doctor today, see what they can make of it. with *cough* the hangover and all i’m not getting out and about much *wheeze*

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 13, 2008 at 11:08am
Yer just softss…*hic*…I been ‘avin’ juusk as meny bokklesss…*cough*…an’ I feeelzz…*belch*…grate! No blotchez or…*hic*…nuffink!

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 15, 2008 at 1:19pm
oh My and now there hand Juice …. perhaps it shall live on and on Indeed !!!!

ponders “why in the world would anyone wish to drink the awful juice of this ill fated hand what ever happen to the old books that were delivered …what’s in store next?”

grins ahhhhh at all the possibilities indeed

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 16, 2008 at 7:13am
The nectar don’t come from the ‘and Miss…It ‘as been sent over by Grandpa sure but it ain’t made out of the ‘and…By the end of it ya wouldn’t of wanted to drink the putrid gack that was commin’ out of it!

*Reply by Natacha Chernov on June 15, 2008 at 2:22pm
I examined the place where the hand has burned only yesterday… there remained only ashes, nothing more, seems it must have burned completely.

I was wearing a protective suit, one can never be too sure in these days in Babbage. Wel,… speaking of truth,… it was a giant walking robotic device with steam chimneys, but I felt safe, really! I’m only affraid I startled one woman which I believe was Miss Writer… she run away just when I spotted her. On the other side, I’m glad I haven’t wawed at her, with this robotic arm it could have looked like a threat, and with everybody carrying guns in these dangerous times… *Natacha sighs*

==Comments (page 9)==

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 15, 2008 at 11:30pm
Oh my goodness, was that you???? I thought we were under invasion from beyond the heavens!

Next time, I’ll say hello, but stand outside of arm’s reach!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 16, 2008 at 7:22am
After the untimely demise of “The Hand”, Dredd and I decided that we needed to give it a right royal send off. We discovered that Grandpa ‘ad sent us some nectar that appears a most potent brew. ‘Aving spent the day getting blottoed on the stuff and clearin’ out whatever else was in the cupboards we retired to our beds expecting an ‘angover of monumental proportions.

In the mornin’ though I felt just dandy!…Dredd is still under the weather but I feel great. Me cough ‘as cleared up, me eyes are bright and me coat is shiny. I’m a new boy I tell ya!

I can’t for the life of me remember what we drank…I know nectar was involved but judgin’ by the mess left in the shop we must ‘ave ‘ad other stuff as well…I ‘ave a vague memory of crackin’ out Grandpa’s tonics and food was probably involved at some point.

Anyway the long and short of it is; I is better and Dredd is poorly…serves ‘im right for not likin’ cheese!

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 16, 2008 at 8:11am
Well thats nice! Here i am lying in *hack* my deathbed and i get abuse *HEAVE*

Its not that i dont like *cough* cheese, i cant eat it!

you bugger!


*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 16, 2008 at 8:17am
I’ve been wearing a respirator from Gaslights Emporium, and that seems to be helping me a great deal with my cough. It also has kept me from spreading the infection to others. I’ve tried the nectar. Jolly good stuff, oh yesh ineed… now allya gosht to do ish show… ish show… ish show me how to mixshes it with *HIC* other shtuff. *HIC*

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 16, 2008 at 9:38am
Wha…wha is in tha’ nectar, matesh…had me on an unconchus bender half da weekend…slept thru Mish Justishes’es’es’…ahem…memorial…dredfully shorry bou’ tha’ by the way…still feelsh woozie…*drops into the sea*

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 9:59am
MAEL! I certainly hope you’re wearing a breathing apparatus! *sigh* Probably not. *tosses a lifesaver after*

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 10:06am
Whew. Thank goodness you were close by!

I swear, the longer I live in Babbage, the more I’m tempted to give up the drink altogether.

But I do so love my absinthe…

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 10:14am
takes bill and sits on a nearby barrel to await Mael’s return to sobriety and dryness

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 16, 2008 at 10:10am
We must keep young Loki in business!

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 10:15am
I do my best! I believe my budget for absinthe each week is equal to or higher than my rent budget.

I really must start advertising my editing services more. A girl needs the money!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 16, 2008 at 10:44am
raises himself up slowly and stands with Ceejay’s help, spits some seaweed back into the ocean

`Old on, now…not t’sound ungrateful Dr. Jar, but if I needed savin’ ev’ry time I half kill me’self fallin’ in the drink…where was I goin’ with this…does anyone know where me ship’s doctor is? This is rather embarassin’ all around, it is…

You’re a love, Ms. Writer. Thankee fer the concern. I’ll be fine. Now please do turn around, I need ta strip. *Offers Ceejay a stool facing away from him, then examines bill as he strips off coat, vest and shirt and lays them on Seraph’s steam engine to dry*

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 10:47am
Oh my! *buries my face in my hands* I hope no one walks by. This looks… well, it doesn’t look very proper!

I’m very glad you didn’t drown, Mael!

==Comments (page 10)==

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 16, 2008 at 11:06am
Disappears into quarters, emerging in much lighter, drier clothes, buckling on his saber Don’t fret love. Purely innocent. Holds out hand to escort Ms. Writer abovedeck But honestly, it takes a fair bit to drown me…gods, but that was good grog…

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 16, 2008 at 11:42am
……. my my ~now there’s quite a dare I say ~seafare adventure~ smiles all around ya ! …. of course to no surprise the dear Miss Writer be on hand ( grins) glad to read all are safe ( dare I write sound) sound is ever so dull wouldn’t you all agrees (warm smile as I breeze back to my work) thankyou again quite a most enjoyable read indeed ….. chuckles at the visual ~ Ponders~
did the Capt blush ~~

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 11:52am
And it is no surprise that you wandered past to see me in yet another unusual situation! I swear, my poor tattered reputation… *winks*

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 11:51am
Thank you for the hand, kind Sir! I did not expect an adventure today… but one should always be prepared for one in New Babbage.

I will take your word for it on the quality of the grog. I’m a good swimmer, but do not wish to take an involuntary dip in our city’s fine waterways.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 16, 2008 at 11:47am
I very rarely blush, Ms. Carver. *grins* And, as I said, `twas very innocent. I only hope I din’not embarrass poor Ms. Writer too badly. *sits down to address odd squishing in boots*

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 16, 2008 at 2:52pm
grins @ Miss Writer your reputation is far from poor and tattered I would decribe it quite alive and colorful .. hows thats … ~ giggles~

indeed Captain indeed “twas very innocent” ponders ………………………..
why would anyone think any but ( warm smile) water in da boots and Perhaps did ya catch a fish on them ?

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 16, 2008 at 2:54pm
Alas no…merely more seaweed.

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 16, 2008 at 3:02pm
stomps her foot in frustration Well, seems I missed all of the fun: party at Stanley’s, huge mechanical walking apparatus, reanimation shot, citizen falling overboard, unscheduled swims in the water,changing clothing in the streets, maiden reputation in danger! Gee whiz *sigh*

I swear I only popped out for a few hours to replenish necessary supplies (knives, long range arrows, cage arrows, flaming arrows. . . uh, bread, milk, absinthe).

Let it be said that the citizens of New Babbage know how to have a good time, and maybe I will emerge from my hiding place for the next good time. *murmurs to self: where did I put those exploding arrows?

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 6:49pm
perk Fresh supply of absinthe? Exploding arrows? We simply MUST have a girls-night-in soon!

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 16, 2008 at 7:01pm
Oh, yes! The exploding arrows make such a satisfying boom when they hit their target! And the smoke!

Of course, it’s also fun *ahem* to shoot a cage arrow at someone. The ruffians look so cute sitting in their cages!

The absinthe supply is fresh and chilling. Although I admit I have trouble standing after a few glasses.

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 16, 2008 at 7:13pm
I sense a drunken, fun night in our future!

(You’re perhaps realizing that you don’t need to scratch too deep below my ladylike exterior to find the girl that escaped the circus lo those many years ago!)

*Reply by Poopdeck Halfpint on June 16, 2008 at 7:25pm

I shore wuz happies ter git me summa tha monsker meat onner stick afore it wuz goned! Tasked grate, too. Now I wanner git me somma that nekkar I bin hearin abouk!

But donk tries ter smoke these li’l critters. They’s makes yer sees funny colors!

==Comments (page 11)==

*Reply by Elleon Bergamasco on June 17, 2008 at 1:29am
Ha ha Sirs! I went to view your hand and I SWEAR I saw it twitch!

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on June 17, 2008 at 11:34am
I tell you, I’m starting to doubt that eating the hand meat was a good idea, it was right yummy but these lumps on my face are getting nastier by the day..

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 18, 2008 at 5:27am

My cough might be better but I’ve now developed some sort of horrendous facial carbuncle!

‘Ows a young boy supposed to attract the girls when ‘e looks like spotty oik?

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 19, 2008 at 5:35am
I feel perhaps that would be best Dr Mason. I can’t show my face in the shop lookin’ like this and I ‘ave seen citizens turnin’ away from me in disgust!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 21, 2008 at 8:54am
I ‘ad the strangest of dreams last night…All night I dreamed of an unsatisfiable ‘unger…a desperate desire to feed!

I felt bestial urges take control of me…what images passed my eyes…I ‘ave vague memories of vistin’ Ruby’s where I encountered Miss Razor and Miss Writer…I my dream I even tried to bite Miss Writer and I recall snoozing on the benches at Ruby’s…

I have visions of stalkin’ the streets of New Babbage in search of sustenance…did I try to visit the muses?…Did I confront Dr Whitfield?

I awoke in the early ‘ours of the mornin’ on the street outside Ruby’s with Captain Smythe lookin’ over me carryin’ a most intriguin’ device!

He claims I was caught in the grip of an unnatural infection but I’m sure it was just a dream…wasn’t it?

Wanders off to satisfy the lingering pangs of hunger…

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 21, 2008 at 12:42pm
Dear, dear child… it was no dream! You did bite me, and you are quite sick. You should let the good doctor shoot you with that intriguing device, truly!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 21, 2008 at 8:15pm
What young Django missed was me arriving in Babbage from a previous engagement, watching his body lurch along outside of Ruby’s. Dr. Mason had provided me with that most excellent inoculation pistol. I asked Master Yifu if he was alright. He growled and began to approach, so I shot injections into the lad. Luckily, I watched him come back to his senses within several moments, believing that he had been dreaming. Please don’t take any offense, lad. Just telling what I saw. I’m relieved that yer back among the healthy, but perhaps you should take Ms. Writer’s advice and let Dr. Mason take a good look at you.

*Reply by Bela Lubezki on June 21, 2008 at 9:40am
uh, i am glad, little raven was away from his outlook at my roof this night.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 21, 2008 at 9:32pm
There are two fingers left of “The Hand” if anyone would like a memorial of the exhibit. These are the last pieces available and although slightly fire damaged could be stored for posterity.

Free of charge and offered as seen.

Available now at Stanley’s Emporium

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 23, 2008 at 5:06pm
These foul abominations should be disposed of not handed on to find their way into the hands of innocents and continue the spread of this evil plague.

Please do us all a favour and end this scourge.

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 23, 2008 at 6:22pm
I am sad to say that at least oneof these relics has been cast further afield. I have however secured the thumb and taking great caution to remain isolated from the vile thing, I have clad it in iron and cast it into the depths burying it beneath the vernian.

I must go now and write up this event, even as I were burying the abomination, I had the queerest feeling that I was being watched.

==Comments (page 12)==

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 25, 2008 at 6:45pm
Miss Janus I admire your community spirit! I shore do ‘ope that the sea water don’t react with the thumb and start mutatin’ the fishes!

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 25, 2008 at 6:37pm
Sorry Miss Nightfire…It was ‘ard to work out the parts after the burnin’ and choppin’ up of the ‘and. I believe you may ‘ave received a finger tip instead. If there is anything I can do to remedy this unfortunate mistake please do not ‘estitate to contact me.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 25, 2008 at 6:38pm
Miss Janus.

It is my belief that the burnin’ of the ‘and ‘as rendered it ‘armless (excuse the pun). I would not expect any further infections to come from the relics that people ‘ave taken. If ‘owever people ‘ave any worries I would contact Dr Mason as ‘e seems to ‘ave create the eventual cure that saved me from a life of flesh eatin’ and such like.

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 23, 2008 at 7:28pm
A single finger tip has been sent to me by young Master Django and is safely sealed in an hermetically sealed container at Ruby’s Pub and shall remain on display for the for foreseeable future for those who had not a chance to see the hand or were fearful of doing so.

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 25, 2008 at 7:16pm
Oh dear. This is not good. I buried the thumb in a casket of iron. I have not slept well, I have felt awkward since those events two days ago. It seems that paranoia, the nervousness was not so dilusional. This evening I ventured out onto the sea bed once more and found that the casket that I buried is no longer buried, it lies now on the surface of the seabed. As soon as I am able, I will raise the casket to the surface and ensure that it is still sealed before commiting it once more unto the depths. But the question remains, who, waht and how did this thing become un-earthed?

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 26, 2008 at 8:46pm
There is more, this evening I found that the casket had moved once more. I beleive now that I know who did this but I have no idea why.


*Reply by Beq Janus on June 27, 2008 at 10:41pm
I hope that things will come to an end soon. If you see a Mis Rose Bomse, she may seek a dose of serum as she is somewhat confused and feels she may be infected. I am not convinced but her behaviour is a little erratic.

I do not have reason to believe it was you sir.

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 27, 2008 at 10:41am

Is it just me or does Miss Janus’ crate seem to be leakin’ a little?!

*Reply by Storm Thunders on June 27, 2008 at 9:03pm
My little pets were playing in the water this morning! I hope that horrible hand wasn’t plagued! You never EVER mix kraken and any of the bloody plagues… We may need those harpoons after all!

runs for the garage to check

==Comments (page 13)==

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 27, 2008 at 10:37pm
I have this evening cut away a part of my tower and released the wedged casket. I have subsequently welded the broken sel and it is once again secure and has been securely fixed to the Hippocampus submersible ready to be taken far afield and disposed of.

I seek an underwater volcano if anyone knows of one. If I cannot find one then I will have to throw it into a regular volcano

((Beq will update her diary with piccies of this evenings adventures in due course, it is 3am now, the RP is to time consuming :-) and I have to be up in the morning!!))

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 28, 2008 at 6:32pm
(( Beq’s diary has been updated now. This episode was a technically challenging one for me, so I have tried to interleave some of the RL physics into the tale in line with my earlier research posts into the construction of my hard suit. As ever I more than welcome feedback on this especially any oversights that might have killed Beq))

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 27, 2008 at 7:07pm
Gasp “Oh My” the saga does continue indeed …….. grins at the most creative enjoyable way it does continue to unfold … “the hand that wouldn’t be stopped”

Ponders for a moment perhaps better
“the thing that couldnt be removed” ………………….. quietly walks away thinking of thingy things indeed …………..feels a chill in the air …..

*Reply by Asrei Foden on June 28, 2008 at 1:07am
As I said in the canals, Miss Janus, the island that Eliot experimented on would be ideal.

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 28, 2008 at 4:31am
I paid a visit to the islands and alas there is no volcano present. An excellent suggestion but I think I was mis remembering the facts as if I recall correctly Eliots interventions were the source of the shattering of the islands, giving them the classic appearance of a volcanic atoll but without the volcano

*Reply by Asrei Foden on June 28, 2008 at 6:36am
Ah… Well, the same effect as a volcano could easily be achieved with fire. However, I’m not sure how one might deal with a contaminated iron casket…

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 28, 2008 at 3:55pm
Indeed so. My intention is to find a source of heat so strong that the remains will be incinerated before the casket burns through. The burning of the hand in babbage was a farce and served only to spread any airborne element of the disease further afield perhaps accounting for the apparent loss of rationality amongst many residents.

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 28, 2008 at 4:00pm
It certainly seems like a logical, well thought out plan. What could possibly go wrong? I hope you locate a proper heat source to do this deed!

*Reply by Asrei Foden on June 28, 2008 at 9:30pm
Miss Writer, any person as intelligent as you should know not to say, “What could possibly go wrong” in matters as serious as this.

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 29, 2008 at 12:18pm
makes a small meeping noise True enough, Asrei. In this town, words carry extra power.

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 29, 2008 at 7:57am
pulling wet weeds out of her hair So that is where the coffin has got to! My underwater exploration of the canals last evening, while a healthy enterprise, was for naught. Although I have long intended to map the canals, I did want to find the coffin. *wiping off mud*

Okay, I am a bit clumsy. Those walls hurt! Does anyone have any extra absinthe to spare for the woeful underwater explorer? *weak cough*

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on June 29, 2008 at 12:19pm
There’s always a bottle or two of absinthe in my loft, Serafina, and you are welcome to pinch a drink, even if I am elsewhere. :)

Now, as for that mud and those weeds, perhaps this would be an opportune time to invest in one of those newfangled steam powered bathtubs on sale at Vertically Challenged?

==Comments (page 14)==

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on June 29, 2008 at 8:01pm
To the rescue once again! I will stop by for a wee nip to warm my bones after I explore the sea. A steam powered bathtub, you say? That means warm water! Brilliant!

*Reply by Natacha Chernov on June 29, 2008 at 1:42pm
Alright, maybe the expedition will be required? First to find some powerfull source of fire equal to volcano, and second to deliver the crate safely to that destination, and destroy it there…

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 29, 2008 at 5:00pm
hummm in thinking and pondering the ideas of steampunk disposal devices (What about a power serg of currants of sorts perhaps a grouping surge of eclectrical shocks of sort ?)

walks away quietly thinking giant sparks flying great light show indeed !!! of course notes we wouldn’t want to burn up the town !!!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 29, 2008 at 6:35pm
Have you considered destroying the crate at the volcano on Black Swan? I hear that place holds a strange power. Also, my crew is at work attempting to re-create an aetheric technology that powered our ships and weapons on our home worlde. These aether blasts were powerful enough to surpass the power of fire. I’ll be posting more on this technology this week on the main level of the Seraph Enterprises shop. If I can be of any assistance escorting the crate to its final destination, please let me know.

*Reply by Beq Janus on June 29, 2008 at 7:02pm
I will look at Black Swan with interest, I have been told of a volacno on an island far to the south of Babbage where through some bizarre feat of engineering one is apparently able to step into the heart of the volcano. If this proves to be true then this chapter of the saga will be over. I am learning however not to get my hopes up.

I was speaking with Miss Lubezski and Mr Foden last night and there was talking of sending the remains in to the aether. I am not sure of this course of action, I prefer a destruction that I can observe to be final. However, we do of course have more remains in Babbage, some “sealed”, another being eaten, if I am to take Miss Nightfire at her word. If the destruction of the thumb that is in my posession is achieved then the focus may shift to these other targets. It would make sense to me to determine the risk that the remaining pieces pose and destroy them if it is sensible to do so.

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 29, 2008 at 7:10pm
I am telling you, the lead glass crystal my piece is encased in has proved quite effective. Then again, perhaps my artifact was somehow rendered inert before being passed to me. None-the-less it remains sealed and safe.

*Reply by Natacha Chernov on June 30, 2008 at 8:17am
Oh no, Miss Janus, please don’t send the remians of the Hand into Aether… I’ve heard various theories about the Void, while we were searching for lost explorer Magellan Linden some time ago, and as I understand it right, you never know where something which apparently dissapeared into Aether can re-appear again, in different place and even different time… No, I don’t believe this would be a solution.

*Reply by Canolli Capalini on June 30, 2008 at 11:30am
looks up from her wood shavings Oh dear.. Did I miss something?

*Reply by Breezy Carver on June 30, 2008 at 12:45pm
grins…………………… @ Miss Capalini ya think

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 30, 2008 at 1:29pm
chuckles and cleans vaccine gun

*Reply by Mr. Django Yifu on June 30, 2008 at 5:37pm


*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on June 30, 2008 at 5:43pm
suddenly stops chuckling grabs gun, and buckles on iron saber Gorrammit…sorry ladies… stomps out of Seraph Enterprises

==Comments (page 15)==

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on June 30, 2008 at 6:49pm
Dagger drops a full bottle of single malt and stares in horror

I think I might sink that fingertip after all….

*Reply by Asrei Foden on June 30, 2008 at 8:49pm
Ye gods! If only my airship was equipped for underwater travel… Still, we must allow it to speak before we act, I say!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 4:10am
Collapses in the hold of the Seraph; removes air filtration/diving mask & takes a jolt from rum bottle

Starting to realize I need to blog about my newer escapades…I’ve just returned from Black Swan…was on patrol through Babbage with an innoculation gun hunting for Mr. Tentacles from Master Yifu’s disturbing image. Ms. Lily Nightfire met me and entrusted me with her monster hand fingertip. I innoculated the damned thing and the lady, then locked it in an iron box due to Ms. Razor’s advice that the creature of origin could be harmed by cold iron. Not taking chances. Doused whole damned show with holy water. Drank remainder of holy water. Tossed bolted iron chest and fingertip (as well as my gloves) into the skull volcano at Black Swan…watched it all sink and burn…hopefully destroyed, unsure what else to do…have injected myself. Quarantining myself in the hold of the Seraph until Dr. Dayafter can confirm my health on the morrow.

Lies down

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on July 1, 2008 at 9:02am
Oh Dr. Mason, Mael just likes to drink holy water. He’s a bit odd that way. I actually caught him putting cheese and bits of garlic on communion wafers once… Back to the business at hand *smiles*. I shall be around soonish to see to you Captain, and I promise to double the attentiveness that you showed me during my recent “ailment”… *grins devilishly*

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 9:12am
It was cheese from a holy cow and I was about to negotiate with a voodoo practicing vampiress, Gus. It seemed appropriate at the time. And just don’t turn me purple. I would clash horribly with my outfit.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 9:13am
Aye, I was not questioning yer thoroughness, Doctor. I’m simply a superstitious old air dog.

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 10:54am
Do we even know just whom that abomination once was?

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 10:59am
Haven’t found him yet, but hopefully a few darts will tell the tale.

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 11:24am
Please clarify, my good man. Do you mean to shoot this being with darts?

*Reply by Canolli Capalini on July 1, 2008 at 11:26am
I believe Captain Smythe is referring to his big book of mythical monsters that he opens up and when especially grogged, throws darts at the index to determine what he is dealing with. ~chuckles~

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 11:32am
Oh, dear… Captain Smythe, if it doesn’t seem too offensive, your planet seems to have some odd customs.

*Reply by Gregoe Zlatkis on July 1, 2008 at 11:40am
I believe the darts are inoculation darts produced by one of the doctor’s…Although Cap’n Mael is quite superstitious. ‘Course most of our crew is with the exception of Dr. Dayafter. We learned we had to be. I know there are those hunting this dasterdly beast, whoever or whatever it is, but do we really understand the effects wholly that created this thing. I mean, how do we even know it doesn’t change into that at night like werefolk. I’m not willing to lose my Cap’n over this, so I’m willing to give myself up for testing if the good Doctor’s want to lock me up and run tests. If cold iron be a known weakness, lock me up in a cage.

==Comments (page 16)==

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 11:50am
Aye, mate, but we never get bored. ::flinches at lava burn as he pokes it:: As Doc said, I was referring to the innoculation gun given me by the good doctors.

And I’ll thank you folks to stop revealing tantalyzing tidbits about me personal life all over the ether…besides if it walks like a manticore…well you get my point.

Makes note to not get grogged around Ms. Capalini again

*Reply by Dr. Augustus Dayafter on July 1, 2008 at 11:36am
There is a medical implement invented by Dr. Mason (or at least that is who gave me mine) that, while in a gun form, contains darts with a cure to the infection caused by the hand.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 11:52am
Aye, Mr. Foden, but we never get bored. ::flinches at lava burn as he pokes it:: As Chef and Doc said, I was referring t’the innoculation gun given me by the good Doctor Mason. These dart guns have been used by several citizens to cure those who have been infected and mutated by the Monster Hand, which Ms. Razor believes to be one of the dark fae. This was me reasoning for using a cold iron container for the finger, and for forging a cold iron saber which now hangs at me side.

eyes widen as saber presses on shark bite, rubs bandages and grimaces Monster book indeed…if it walks like a manticore…well you get me point.

*Reply by Canolli Capalini on July 1, 2008 at 11:56am
Why Captain Smythe, I thought that was common knowledge!

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 12:04pm
Well it is now, ain’t it? ::smirks:: Seriously, no more groggin’ around you or Gus, I mean it. ::looks at empty tin cup and frowns, then fills it with water::

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 12:10pm
Yes… ‘Water’… Certainly not secretly wodka… -Glances around, wondering if he’s been discovered-

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 12:12pm
Tastes like paint thinner, mate, so you do the math. ::grins::

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 12:14pm
It’s not really math so much as reasoning, methinks.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 12:15pm
Smells more like vodka, but whatever you say. Besides, it’s anetheth…anesth…pain killer. ::pours a little on bandages and rolls eyes, bites lower lip::

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 12:18pm
Chuckles a bit Did you intend to say the word ‘anesthesia’? And… Just why do you have bandages on?

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 1, 2008 at 1:21pm
smirks A shark bite and a lava burn.

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 1, 2008 at 7:38pm
And again come the odd customs…

==Comments (page 17)==

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 2, 2008 at 9:51am
No, no, no…After I unloaded the iron crate (containing the monster finger) from my cargo zeppelin at Black Swan, I was forced to carry it along the path to the volcano, as the zeppelin was only allowed so close to the path. In any event, I eventually made it to the volcano and tossed the crate into the skull volcano. As I leaned in to toss in my gloves and make sure the crate was sinking, a very minute bit of lava splashed up onto my forearm and began burning through my buff coat. All I knew to do was leap into the sea below to save my arm from being burned through. I dove violently among some very ornery sharks, and was very lucky to only be bitten in the side (the teeth didn’t penetrate my armored vest very far, but my ribs are cracked).

*Reply by Beq Janus on July 1, 2008 at 9:03pm
I have returned from my mini adventure to destroy the thumb of the beast and close the events that my misguided good deed set in train.

It is gone, finished. The thumb has been destroyed. I hope that all has been quiet while I’ve been gone and that nothing has happened to the other pieces.

((There are more photos on flickr but perhaps best seen in context with her blog/diary ))

((I think Beq may be in for a shock tomorrow when she reads the conversations here catches up on events while she has been away.))

*Reply by Serafina Puchkina on July 2, 2008 at 10:15am
my hand rises to my throat in horror Is this saga finally at an end? Will Miss Janus’ actions finally bring to a close this tale, or is there more in store? I have seen many unusual sights in my travels, but rarely have I encountered such a persistent menace as the monster hand.

Will I ever get the opportunity to taste the interesting brew Captain Smythe and the others? *makes note to visit more pubs in New Babbage*

*Reply by Asrei Foden on July 2, 2008 at 10:23am
Er… There’s still the matter of one more finger… Outside Ruby’s Pub.

*Reply by Beq Janus on July 2, 2008 at 3:44pm
Yes, and Mr Dagger’s reticence to part company with it.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 2, 2008 at 3:52pm
We could always keep the fingertip under guard; perhaps organize a watch over it for now.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 2, 2008 at 4:03pm
…Well alrighty then. Let me have a chat with Mr. Dagger…

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on July 2, 2008 at 6:31pm
I must assure everybody that the finger tip encased within lead crystal in front of Ruby’s, (*crash… tinkle… thud*) is quite inert and harmless. No ill effects did I suffer whilst sealing it up either. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Surely it is a valued piece of Babbage detritus history, and should remain on view for the foolhardy curious.

*Reply by Captain Maelstorme Smythe on July 3, 2008 at 3:08am
What was that erm…crashing…tinkling…thudding sound there, though, Mr. Dagger? ::climbs the observation deck of the Seraph for a better look at Ruby’s::

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on July 3, 2008 at 10:03am
twitch twitch

Will this cursed hand ever leave us completely? Who else must suffer injury or death before we replace curiousity with determination to rid ourselves of it!

*Reply by Skusting Dagger on July 4, 2008 at 8:34am
My apologies. The crash you heard was unfortunately a misbalanced case of single malt which had fallen off the bar inside. The canister is still quite safe.

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on July 4, 2008 at 2:27pm
glares As if our frayed nerves could know that!

Mm. A single malt might calm mine about now!

==Comments (page 18)==

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on July 3, 2008 at 4:12am
I’m not right happy with it being contained. I tried getting in to get some to make some new boots and i didnt get no where near.

*Reply by Breezy Carver on July 2, 2008 at 4:32pm
Oh wonderful do have a chat grins and do suggest he rid of it yesterday indeed walks away with a quiet smile oh how wonderful it shall go go go yay!!!

*Reply by DreddPirateBob on July 3, 2008 at 4:16am
Finally got out of ‘enforced quarenteen’ (prison). A big dose of the wierd stuff got me fixed, still got the rotten green mank round my chops but i’m feeling right better. Still can’t remember much but i’d like it if people stopped running away screaming. Its getting a bit hurtful.

Can anyone explain that keening sound i can hear at the back of my head? Has someone got some stupid machine running somewhere. Its driving me bats!

*Reply by Ceejay Writer on July 4, 2008 at 2:28pm
Er. It’s been a very quiet, tranquil day, young man. Hardly any machinery running at all, perhaps only a dozen or so engines. Are you sure you feel all right?


Spread the love