Archivist note: This article is from an older recovered archive and might be obsolete or in need of updating.
Most recent revision is shown below, by Galactic Baroque.
”’-Never make a wager with Miss Bookworm Heinrichs concerning her book collection.”’
Not only will you lose, you will most likely end up paying dearly. Yet, catching a glimpse of her knees in the process may make your losses more worthwhile!
”’-The smaller folk of Babbage have a significant attachment to their furniture.”’
The Clockwinder is to his Clocktower what Mr. Pocket String is to his Stool. In other words, do not disturb their most prized possessions or you may find yourself cursed.
”’- Miss Bianca Namori is a grand entertainer.”’
If one attends a night of her comedy and does not laugh, that individual most likely has no soul. Though, that theory has yet to be tested on Mr. Underby.
”’-Do not trust Lord Moses Mureaux for drink selections.”’
Due to his disarming personality and apt advice he may seem like a logical choice for a barman, but when he offers you a swig of an exotic sounding drink be sure to decline. If you do not, you run the risk of an encounter with the Death Pig.
”’-An individual’s moral character has little to no affect on their baking abilities.”’
Though she is no saint, Mrs. Underby can certainly bake a decent loaf of French bread. Now if only she were kind enough to allow one to frequent her bakery without being slighted or banished.
”’-Everyone in Babbage loves Mr. Ashiko Kuroe, the Bunny Bomber.”’
Some enjoy his company while others prefer him roasted. One thing we can all agree on: He is a rather popular lapin gent these days.
”’-Never underestimate the power of a cannon propelled pie or other foodstuff.”’
You’d be surprised how many Babbager’s weapons of choice revolve around this…
”’-Never enrage someone under 5 feet in height.”’
You’ll just make things worse.
”’-Always wear waterproof undergarments”’
Because the sewars will always go after you when you least expect it.
”’-Dance parties can happen anywhere.”’
And for whatever reason, assuming there is one.
”’-Whenever you ‘forcibly extradite’ a known criminal, be sure NOT to wear full uniforms.”’
Otherwise you end up getting into a tif with the other nation over territorial rights…
”’-Be careful if you challenge Miss Netizen to En Garde”’
she usually wins
”’-Red Sky in the morning; shepherds warning”’
there is more to this weather-lore rhyme than meets the eye if Miss Netizen is around
”’-Things never go exactly as planned.”’
But they usually end up being better.
”’-Never ever, but EVER, speak the dreaded words "What could possibly go wrong?"”’
Because you will soon find out.
”’No good deed goes unpunished.”’
”’Be sure to self-insure.”’
”’We may run out of food but absinthe is abundant.”’
”’Sidewalks are made to walk on AND below.”’
”’Never think you have enough land.”’
”’Be nice to short people or watch your tier go up.”’
”’Doctors are scary. Always.”’
”’Green Dot Syndrome is the most powerful force in all of New Babbage.”’
”’-Always ask a pretty girl to dance.”’
Especially if you are new, always ask a girl to dance. It’s a great way to make friends and find out what’s going on in town. And you’re almost always guaranteed a pleasant conversation.
”’-If you want to know what’s going on, hit the local pub or cafe”’
The absinthe and ale fueled ladies who run them have the dirt and long to spread it.
”’-If anyone utters the words "everything is perfectly fine"”’
”’-Body switches, mass possession, kidnapping, unexplained missing persons, random violence, mad science and air krakans happen”’
Be prepared accordingly
No, I’m not going to wax all googly, except to say that I loves you guys. Now come have a pint.
”’Babbage does actually have good food. Despite what everyone says.”’
”’Don’t bury anything here. It will come back sooner or later looking for trouble.”’
”’Everything tastes good if you put enough machine oil on it.”’
”’-All of Babbage is armed to the teeth.”’
You just don’t know until you see a bunny-lady pull a large Gatling gun out of thin air!
”’-Be careful where you sleep.”’
Who knows what people could do to you while you sleep.
”’-In Babbage, "normal" is freakish and freakish is normal.”’
Learned that during the carnival.
”’-Avoid being suddenly flattened by randomly appearing magical blue police boxes.”’
Still don’t know what to say about that.
”’-Be careful around urchins”’
Lest find oneself used as a meat shield.
”’-If You’re Not A Rabbit, All Rabbits Look Alike”’
”’-Never underestimate the tiny Clockwork Dragons. One wants Cookies and Cake, the other…to burn stuff to the ground.”’
Be sure to keep an eye on the little twerp that likes burning things to the ground. One sneeze, and you’ll likely end up burnt to a crisp. :P
”’Pie and coffee are infinitely superior to tea and cake.”’
”’Once Mr. Cleanslate has been set on a project, do not get in his way. Jump back, welllllll back, or be plowed under by the wheels of progress!”’
”’The streets do have holes, especially around Loner Lane.”’ *glares at Moses for his loose cobblestones*
”’-If you look peculiar, people will suspect you of evil… even when nursing the leader of the city back to health.”’
”’-Never drink tea sent to you by someone who collects urchins.”’
”’-If your peculiar looks are the result of having a physical condition, count on people calling you names like "Boneyskull" behind your back. Or, even not so behind your back.”’
”’-Never get off the train in Bump.”’
”’-Don’t hire a revenant assistant, unless you want every hotdog with a shotgun taking aim at her head.”’
”’-Don’t EVER get off the train in Bump.”’
”’-Never underestimate the power of urchins in large groups, or in small groups, or… in general.”’
Think Scooby Doo meets Harry Potter, we can solve your mysteries while running around all over town and know rumors before they’re spread, in fact I think we know more than the "secret" group collecting information in this city sometimes.
”’-Never assume an urchin is poor, or a thief.”’
Just because we like to run around the streets and don’t have a home (that you know of) doesn’t mean we can’t own warehouses and brewerys and whatever else. Also just because we have these things doesn’t mean we have stolen them… sometimes borrow but never steal ;3
”’-Nothing is ever as it seems”’
If it seems normal then there’s something quite wrong with it (unless you’ve been in Babbage long enough and expect everything to be abnormal).
”’-Don’t trust any food unless you’ve made or picked it yourself.”’
You never know what could be in it otherwise
”’-The Walls have ears, The streets have holes, and you don’t even want to know what the canal has.”’
”’-Whimsy, and its derivative, Narrative Whimsy, are powerful local forces”’
”’- As is cheese”’
”’- If it gets Ms. Writer drunk, it’s probably wise to give said substance a wide berth. Or procure some as an alternate fuel source”’
”’- If it gets the Clockwinder drunk, ditto (or procure some to make killer cheese)”’
”’- Small clockwork dragons are fueled mostly by long-chain carbohydrates”’
”’- The weather is not a standby conversation opener in Babbage; rather, try pie (and also perhaps pi)”’
”’- Speaking of which: Meat-based Babbagers are mostly fueled by alcohol, caffeine and pie”’
”’- The local trait of contrariness has seeped into the trollies, lending them a certain unpredictability and charm”’
”’-Soot is good for you.”’
”’New Babbage has the best chocolates”’
And now you know why I live so close to the Cocoajava Cafe in addition to having Elleon’s chocolate shop only a short walk away.
”’You can find a bottle of absinthe around every corner or cushion…”’
And now you know why I don’t keep a stock for myself.
”’It’s true, the ladies of New Babbage are the best dressed”’
And now you know why I have such a large selection of dresses in my armoire(s): to never fall behind when we are comparing our collections.
”’We have some of the best and most interesting folks, of which I’m proud to call many of them my friends.”’
And now you know why I decided to stick around, even if the chocolates and absinthe run out.
”’When offered a sammich, take five extra”’
Ye never know when the restarump will pitch taters in the bin…
”’When lasses are sobbin’, be ware”’
Sometimes it’s the best time ta beg from ’em, sometimes it’s the worst…
”’When ye see an ‘orrible monster”’
No one will believe ye, so stop an’ drawr an oil paintin’ of it so they do…
”’Stay away from kitties”’
Especially if ye smell delishush!
”’- You cannot go wrong with cheese.”’
”’- Sometimes a stern talking-to is enough to rid your home of trespassers.”’
”’- Always check a freshly dispatched zombie’s pockets for cash and other valuables.”’
”’- Use extreme care when growing alien plant species.”’
”’Most people are friendly if you say hello, or become friendly if you play them some music.”’
”’New people to the City are often confused about what is polite behaviour, but are worth chatting to.”’
”’Do not drop stones down Mr. Underby’s chimney.”’
”’One should spend time chatting and playing music to people who might not be there, like ghosts.”’
”’You never know what might be around the next corner.”’
”’If nothing else works, play music.”’
”’No mater how carefully you find your night’s sleeping place, some of the adults will always come and have secret meetings right beside you.”’
”’Always have several sleeping places lined up… Mr Mureaux’s people will be lurking in at least half of em… oh.. if the step on you when trying to hide where you are, don’t bite em, they taste bad, and at least one of em has a tin leg!”’
”’-Random fires and property damage tend to make angry mobs”’
”’-Some of the ladies will threaten with violence if you don’t dance”’
”’-Militia rations are almost always canned wiggyfish in 30 flavors…of wiggyfish”’
”’-Urchins can get into anything”’
(I really should put a grate over the eel vats)
”’-Corpses are surprisingly in good supply in this town”’
”’-Tardisi are like weeds, they always crop up in your yard.”’
”’-Be more specific when introducing yourself as a doctor, or you might get mistaken for an alien time traveller”’
”’-don’t introduce yourself as a doctor when your covered in blood and weilding a steam powered chainsaw”’
”’-the bizzarre is normal”’
”’-do not mess with Tenk, ever…”’
(you might lose a leg, especially rabbits)
”’-Nearly anyone’s heart may be swayed, if only you bake.”’
except for Underby, tho’ he has no heart, rather. :P
”’-What happens in the Vernian stays in the Vernian”’
”coined at Blackberry Harvey’s Easter Dance in 2011.”