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I’ve spent the past weeks enclosed in this underground space, learning how to be in this M’an body. It’s not what I would have chosen, of course, but at this point, I don’t see that I have any other option. The Big One who keeps me here obviously wishes me to learn these things, so learn them I will–sitting, then standing, and now walking. It’s been slower than either of us would like, though–I feel as though I have two instincts within me that are constantly fighting to control me. Whenever I feel the need to go to the room where I relieve myself, I’m never sure if I’m going to try to go there on two legs or four.
The M’an doesn’t stay here all day any more, as he did at first, but he does visit at least twice a day, bringing food with him. That has been quite the learning experience all by itself. The first food he gave to me, the day after my first full awakening, was that soft white stuff I’d seen Big Ones put outside for the birds. I’d even tried a bit of it then, and hadn’t thought much of it at all. But now? Oh, my, now. It has, I admit, been very interesting trying all the different things that Big Ones eat. They seem much like bears in that respect, eating nearly everything they come across. The way they eat meat, though…I don’t know what they do to it, but it wasn’t at all what I was expecting. It seemed to be what this M’an-body craves, though, so I eat it.
Nearly every time the Big One comes, he inspects me with his strange tools, and makes black marks on a flat…thing. I wish I could find out what he is doing, and why, but that is one thing in which I’ve made no progress–communication. He does make noises at me, but I’ve not been able to make any sense of them–though, on occasion, the tone of his voice conveys some of his emotion, and helps me to understand when he wants me to do something–or stop doing something.
But, in the last couple of days, that’s actually changed a bit. Now, when he makes his noises, it’s like I’m listening to one of the Folk speaking far away–I can’t make out what is being said, but I know I *could* if I could just move a little closer.
As frightening as it is to settle more and more into this new body, I *need* to take those few steps closer. I need to learn to communicate with this Big One if I’m ever to learn what he has done, and why…and whether he can restore me to my true self. We shall see.