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Return of the Snitch…?

To My Loyal Readers,

I would ask you now for your kind forgiveness and no small indulgence for my absence. Having gone to great lengths to interview the notorious Dr. Obolensky [sic HE ZAPPED ME! HE REALLY ZAPPED ME!], I required something of a brief respite to regain my constitution [sic Ever hear of COL Steve Austin?]. Thankfully, I am returned and in better shape than when we had last met [sic faster, stronger, punny..er?].

What you may not know, is that during my absence ownership of the Canal Street Snitch had passed hands from the former owner [sic newly deceased], Mr. Randolph Hurtz, to the lovely and recently widowed [sic COUGAR..rrrrowr], Ms. Bly Cochrane.

You might have heard of Ms. Cochrane before [sic Not likely.]?

Wife of the late J.P. Cochrane, iron magnate and owner of the Penny Gaff Publishing empire, Ms. Cochrane came from a humble [sic Questionable] beginning. She gained some prominence in society after being accepted into the prestigious [sic SCAN-DU-LOUS] Cavendish House Set, administered by the Count of Caerdydd [sic Try saying that three times fast…erm…hell, try saying that at all!], where she met Mr. Cochrane [sic Stole him out from under (almost literally)the first Ms. Cochrane]. Having need of something to take her mind from her late husband’s passing [sic She’s bored with lots of money to burn.], she has seized the reins at Penny Gaff Publishing, capitalized on Mr. Hurtz recent death, and taken prize of the Snitch [sic She loves a good gossip, don’t you?]. Ms. Cochrane has vowed to see a repair [sic She’s bloody well fired everybody!] and resurgence of our beloved Snitch. So do keep an eye out for new editions!

In the meanwhile, let us hope you find entertainment and enlightenment [sic Fun enough to make you buy more.] with some of Penny Gaff’s other fine publications. So, on your next meeting with the corner newsboy or when you next happen upon a local newsstand, buy a Penny Gaff publication [sic Seriously…buy something…she won’t let me leave if you don’t…]!

With Much to Snitch About,

The Reporter

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5 Comments

  1. Tepic Harlequin Tepic Harlequin October 1, 2011

    cor! that must have been fun, Mr Cochrane being an iron magnet, could stick forks ter his nose, or pick up nails without bending over….. blimey…….. think of the fun yer could have!

    • The Reporter The Reporter October 1, 2011

      Master Harlequin….Mr. Cochrane was a M-A-G…*sighs and gives a shrug*..YES! You are absolutely right. He was all sorts of fun…until he dropped that sword… *Taps plays softly on the air*

  2. Erehwon Yoshikawa Erehwon Yoshikawa October 1, 2011

    /me reads the broadsheet with a series of raised eyebrows, scandalous giggles, and horrified-but-can’t-stop-reading expressions.

    Hopes someone will remind Ms. Cochrane that the way to make a small fortune in publishing is to start with a large one. 

    As my Aunt Lordes says, audit five times for every expense voucher paid.

  3. Junie Ginsburg Junie Ginsburg October 1, 2011

    How delightful to know that the publication will be resurrected [sic Though I could have a seizure while reading it.]!

    • The Reporter The Reporter October 1, 2011

      For what it is worth, you have my assurance that it will be a much easier read in the future…though…the seizures resulting are yet to be remedied. Still, better odds, eh?

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