Let me start by saying that I miss you terribly and that life without you has been hard, especially as of late. I started this journal at the behest of my good friend Mrs Pearse. I spoke with her a while back about my depression and its cause and she suggested writing. I don’t know if she meant writing to you or not, but I will. Perhaps it will be cathartic for me. I certainly hope it will help me to make a solid decision about how to end this feud…
Metier’s younger brother has found me and his claim (he used the prayer. I didn’t think he had the gall. Apparently I was wrong…) is that I either marry someone in two weeks or die. I don’t like the idea. You know I don’t. It goes against everything that I know and want from a marriage… But Tim, I can’t see any way out of this. If it gets Metier out of my hair and away from Babbage, should I do it? I suppose it can’t be any worse than before. I made you wait to marry me and look what happened…
But who around town would agree to such a thing? Lionheart? As much as I am happy that he stood up with me when Metier reared his ugly head, I don’t think I can trust someone who meddles in dreams when they are sleeping right next to me every night. There’s Doctor Sonnerstein, however I think he is already connected to someone else. And I have no intention of taking anyone else’s love from them. I’ve had it done to me and it is not the way I want this to go. Hono Berada? As charming as Hono is, I found out that he is also attached. So that, again, is a resounding no. The Baron Wulfenbach is a lovely elder gentleman, but I believe the language barrier might be an issue. Dr. Cyberfaustus is a nice man, but I don’t know much about him. And I know what you’d poke fun at me for. Not Arnold. He’d be more likely to laugh in my face and refuse on the grounds that his luck would kill me if Metier doesn’t.
Tim, this is useless. I would say hopeless, but perhaps it’s not so bad as all that. It is simply useless. I am damned if I do what Metier proposes, and I am dead if I do not. I have an idea of what you would advise me to do, my love and I don’t think that that idea is such a grand idea either. Marrying the first lovely woman that I see wouldn’t be fair to the lady either.
*Maddox chuckles and shakes her head as her eyes tear up and she continues to write* I miss you so much, Timothy. My heart feels as though it will explode out of my chest and kill me if I have to do this… Thankfully, the prayer only lasts one night and one day and by tonight that time will be up. I don’t want to sound ungrateful to my grandpére, but if he hadn’t been so bullheaded, this might never have had to come to pass and I would already be married.
I cannot say that I know what to do. I don’t even know if I should try to do what Metier proposes. I don’t even know that I shouldn’t try to duel him anyway, even knowing that I am absolutely no match for him. My depression is not as bad as wanting to die, mon coeur, but at this point I am knee deep in merde and have very little choice. This is something that Arnold wishes to help me handle, and some of my friends as well. If I have to handle this myself, it will all fall apart. Or perhaps I will. Either way, as I told Thaddeus : Someone will end up fine, someone will end up hurt, and someone will be dead. The last thing that remains is to see whose name is put by which indicator.
If my name ends up by ‘dead’, I shall go to meet you where you rest. I love you, mon petit.