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Bones discovered buried underneath flagstones at Fonzarelli Docks, City of New Babbage.

By Milo Pressmore, New Babbage Business Gazette

Human bones were recently discovered buried underneath flagstones at Fonzarelli Docks, New Babbage. One mostly-intact human skeleton, including at least one separate human skull and other miscellaneous bones, were uncovered by the land-owner during preparation for a building project. Further excavation of what appears to be a mass grave has been halted until the mystery can be solved, and the area is now roped off, though the bones remain in full view.

Bones Found Under Fonzarelli Docks by Skusting Dagger

The discovery was made a few weeks ago by land-owner and publican Skusting Dagger, who was digging up flagstones in the Fonzarelli Docks’ gallery area in preparation for a warehouse addition to the site. Dagger was somewhat confounded to find a human-looking skeleton underneath one group of flags. The skeleton was also lying atop a deeper level of jumbled bones and skulls. “The funny thing is,” said Mr. Dagger, “That with all the building that goes on in this city, nobody has ever uncovered anything like this before. That I am aware of,” he added.

Dagger, mildly nonplussed over the discovery, called in local inventor and businessman Artful Hammerer to view the remains. Hammerer guessed the bones might be of Iron Age humans. Dagger wants further investigation from authorities, but “I have yet to find a medical examiner or coroner to take a look,” said Dagger. “This city doesn’t seem to have one.” Attempts by this paper to locate any authority from the New Babbage Militia were unsuccessful, as per usual. No officers could be found; the Militia headquarters and its outposts were empty of staff. “I do have to say,” commented Dagger, that though “the local militia has been around for quite some time, … I never did think they were all that effective.”

Dagger instead decided to follow a different course, and spoke to an archeologist from Oxbridge University in Caledon. This expert confirmed the Iron Age time period of the remains, says Dagger. But when questioned about this expert’s identity for the purpose of follow-up, Dagger was vague. “It was somebody in Caledon,” he said of the archeologist. “I can’t remember his name now.”

Dagger intends to leave the mass grave open, as long as there is no smell of rot, hoping that some future visitor will be able to shed light on this troubling mystery. To that end, visitors from all directions are encouraged to come view the mise-en-scène.  There will be no charge to do so, as he, the land-owner, has no wish to keep the site closed. When asked about the threat of grave robbers or other vandals, Dagger says “I’m not too worried about anybody running off with anything. I have my…. my own means of keeping an eye on them.”

After viewing, Dagger directs thirsty attendees seeking refreshment to Ruby’s Pub next door, “A welcoming place, and full of New Babbage history,” says the owner.  It is also good of Mr. Dagger to provide bracing spirits on the site of the disinterment, in case the more sensitive of viewers feel faint or queasy. Dagger has his own nepeta cataria-infused Irish Whiskey on offer nearby, free for the tasting, for those with nervous natures. More can be found at Ruby’s next door, if the portion does not suffice.

WHOSE BONES ARE THEY? AND HOW DID THEY GET THERE? Mr. Dagger deduces that the bones were buried long before the founding of the city, and he repeats that he was told the remains belonged to Iron Age humans by no fewer than two individuals. If so, then the case would seem to have no connection whatsoever with any current criminal activity in this city, a welcome thought to honest citizens and legitimate business-persons here locally.

Dagger claims that some ancient cultures liked to bury their dead near water, and considering the nearness of water at the site, this may be an explanation. He admits, however, that only skeletal remains were found; no clothing, adornments, or grave goods were uncovered. The existence of any of these might have supported the view that this gravesite was a respectful burial of beloved individuals. The absence of anything other than bones, however, is itself suggestive perhaps of an ancient crime. But these questions can only be answered by experts in the fields of archeology and forensics. At this great length of time, no one living in New Babbage today need fear that some unknown killer is loosed about the city, probably.

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