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Local Residents Seek Explanations for New Babbage Anomalies; from The New Babbage Business Gazette

Local Residents Seek Explanations for New Babbage Anomalies

Area Investigative Businesses Offer Services

By Milo Pressmore

Recent perplexing events occurring in New Babbage (see Strange Portents in the Sky) have some residents questioning who they can turn to for clarification.

Long-time inhabitants of the Sooty City embrace a laissez faire attitude towards incongruities such as those pulsating sky-shooters, or the newly-discovered slugs sliming-up the bottom of Speculation Lake (aka Quarry Lake).  When numerous attempts by this reporter to contact authorities concerning these anomalies resulted in finally waking Mayor Tenk from a milk-induced stupor, he cleared his throat with a Harumph, then commented “Ignore them long enough and they will go away. That is the way of our people. Now sod off.”

But for many fresh transplants to New Babbage, sodding-off holds little appeal. A newcomer’s first notion may be to accost and question long-timers regarding local peculiarities as they go about their daily concerns. This can result in a churlish “Mind yer own business” followed by a string of incomprehensible curses, or sometimes a rather prickly injunction to read the BAR, depending upon which Babbager is responding. This last suggestion can be a frustrating one for immigrants, since many have no clue as to what the BAR is, where it is located, or whether they can order drinks from it. (See companion story The New Babbage BAR: What is it, where is it located, and does it serve drinks?)

So where else can inquiring minds seek assistance with the odd and unexplained of New Babbage? Is there some private person or business that will do the finding-out for one?  

At least five investigative businesses keep offices in the City-State By-the-Sea. Some have a narrow focus in specific subject matter, or perform contract work with official agencies. The list below is not complete, but indicates only the institutions, organizations, ventures, establishments, concerns, or operations that responded at this time.

Tunwarm Investigations

Resident Lauri Tunwarm’s agency utilizes the talents of this former police officer, soldier, and private bodyguard. An off-and-on again visitor and resident of New Babbage for almost a decade, Tunwarm began here in ’09 as the owner of a gun shop located in Loner Lane. He has now newly returned to the city where everything is made up and the data points don’t matter to open a business helping Babbagers with cases as far-ranging as recovering stolen diamonds, to discovering the whereabouts of a pair of mesh shoes.

While singly assisting the private concerns of citizens are his main bread-and-butter, Tunwarm says “If there would be a need I will gladly cooperate with New Babbage Police or Babbage Yard. I would never refuse to help any Babbage government in solving problems, free of charge naturally.”

The investigator says he is “quite happy to see a growing interest of the press and citizens in Babbage law enforcement,” though he still hopes that one day there will be more constables on the streets of the Sooty City. An “organized police force that would be [the]  face of town, in clean uniforms with shiny buttons, would be quite a sight,” he continues, “even if that would mean less work for detectives like me.”

Contacting Tunwarm is simple. If he cannot be found at his offices in Babbage Canals, just in sight of The Merryman (58, 105, 105), a mailbox is located outside his door. Since case complexity varies considerably, charges can range between $50L and $100L per investigation day; the higher charge incurs if an investigation stretches beyond New Babbage borders. “Also if a case is especially interesting, I do it free of charge,” Tunwarm concludes.

Tunwarm’s recent case files include the infamous Babbage Sewer Monster appearance. Tunwarm allowed that “simple street gossip from street urchins turned into a whole cabinet of mysterious X Files to investigate.” He says that the Babbage Sewer case is also linked to several ongoing inquiries. “I’m sure the sewers hold way more uncovered secrets to be found,” he concludes.

Graves Investigations

This agency, run by long-time Babbager Wallis Graves, originally operated out of a small room in Loner Lane. Graves’ practice now has spacious offices in Babbage Palisade, located between Fosdick’s Astrobiology Exhibit and the Pearse’d & Cut Haberdashery (198, 65, 106). The investigator, who first came to town eight years ago to search (unsuccessfully) for Graves’ brother, Taurin, deals “primarily with occult occurrences: ghosts, unusual visitations, cultists, and that sort of thing.”

Graves, collaborating with a number of other local investigators, resolved the several murders that took place a few years ago at the Red Dragon, one of many local opium dens that beleaguer New Babbage. “While resolved it was not exactly a successful outcome,” Graves admits.

Though recently only minor cases have come across Graves’ desk, the investigative agent does help with private matters, large and small. If Graves is not in the office, a message can be left at the agency with the cat.

Mr. Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective

Mr. Sherlock Holmes, with his assistant Dr. John H. Watson, keeps quarters at 221B Jefferson Way in Babbage Square (99, 37, 106), close by the Cathedral of the Builder. Because Holmes travels extensively these days, he is not often available to take on new cases, unfortunately. But if one should find Holmes or the good Dr. Watson in attendance of the premises however, please await admittance by knocking. While Holmes is not easily startled, Dr. Watson is.

And yes, this is the hallowed Sherlock Holmes previously of London whose exploits in print are barely-disguised as fiction by the failed-doctor cum wordsmith Arthur Doyle. Holmes dislikes the attention this has garnered however, and would prefer no auto-graphs.

The Nightfire Agency

Dr. Aly Nightfire provides crime-scene investigation, forensic investigation, and detection services for missing persons and all manner of heinous crimes.  Dr. Nightfire is the Forensics Investigator attached to the New Babbage Militia, but does take private cases as her work-load permits, and if her particular skill set is warranted. Inquire at the Nightfire offices and laboratories located in Loner Lane, or leave a message at the nearby pub, ‘Cuffs.

Dr. Nightfire, an ex-patriot now living in New Babbage for a year and a half, describes her expertise: “I am a Doctor of Biology, Physiology, and Clinical Pathology. I specialize in forensic investigation. I was the chair of the Forensic Science Department at Humboldt University in Berlin. I am warranted [both] by Scotland Yard and the New Babbage Militia, and I am the primary forensic investigator in New Babbage.”

When asked to recount a case or two that might describe her recent work, Dr. Nightfire said “I have more stories than I could relate. I am currently working on an autobiography of my professional life with Scotland Yard, and [with] the Babbage Militia. I am currently the lead investigator on a very odd case involving a woman trapped in a cocoon. I can’t say more about that at the moment. I am also on the trail of a triple murder suspect who has been preying on tourist in the tunnels under Loner Lane.” But there the Dr. broke off, saying she could not be more specific about on-going cases.

Whilst assisting legal authorities with very odd and dangerous cases is the better part of Dr. Nightfire’s employment, the occasional private cases she may take earn her 50Q (Quatloos) per day of field investigations plus expenses, of course. The rates on laboratory services will depend on what is required.

Terranova Investigative Services

Commodore of the New Babbage Naval Militia, Jedburgh Dagger, is the lead investigative agent for Terranova. The agency is currently taking clients for private cases. The offices are located next to Void Park, on the 2nd level (222, 245, 106).

Babbage Occult Research Committee

“Secret signs of otherworldly dimensions” describe Leonard Magnifico’s investigative specialty, says the Babbage Occult Research Committee’s representative. Magnifico, a newly-minted resident (though long-time visitor) of the Sooty City, has a particular interest in discovering instances of time-travel, and debunking or confirming these cases. Magnifico cites for example one case of a woman who could relate in particular detail her own journey through time. “Apparently, she had witness for it,” he says.

Magnifico takes private cases with pleasure. His rates are determined by the complexity of each case, however. One can reach Magnifico by instant messaging Leonard Magnifico Resident.


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  1. Tepic Harlequin Tepic Harlequin January 29, 2018

    Yer forgotten the urchins, we knows lots of stuff an can find stuff out easy…. fer a consideration, of course! An fer stuff we don’t know, we can spcu… spekul…. guess.

  2. Milo Pressmore Milo Pressmore January 29, 2018

    The wily urchins are able to spy from shadowy corners. I plan to chat about local opium dens with one soon, if I can catch one. Now what would be the best bait for urchin hunting?

  3. Kimika Ying Kimika Ying January 30, 2018

    “Tunwarm’s recent case files include the infamous Babbage Sewer Monster appearance.”


    I don’t know about sewer monsters but the sounds coming from underground in Palisade are clearly due to escaping gas. Some of the pipes must be in need of repair.

    • Edward Pearse Edward Pearse February 3, 2018

      We need to pettion the Board of Works to get that looked at.

  4. Buckminster Solo Buckminster Solo February 3, 2018

    I trust this band of busybodies will stay clear of the Shockley Biologics Institute where nothing peculiar ever happens. Ever. As far as you know.



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