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Letter To Phaedra Underby, c/o Lo Artful

(on the outside of the envelope is written in large block letters:  DO NOT OPEN UNLESS YOU ARE PHAEDRA UNDERBY)



Dearest Phaedra,


I have landed in Nantucket, having had no idea where I was traveling to until we were already at sea.  At that point, I had no choice.  It is a truly godforsaken place, no trees whatsoever, grim and foreboding grey skies, frequent rain, and surly townsfolk… so far, I adore it.


The sweet vulture’s talons require constant clipping.  Untold millions of squirming parasites live within the human body.  Wax philosophically on cardboard buttons.  Three coins in the left hand makes for a fine day at the carnival.  When a new baby is presented, switch it with a dwarf in pantaloons.  Bite the wax tadpole.




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  1. Phaedra Underby Phaedra Underby December 20, 2010

    (Written hastily in a slightly shaky hand)


    Please return home as quickly as you can. The injuries which I sustained the evening I’m told you departed have left me confined to the hospital. They refuse to allow me to leave until either my memory recovers or someone will vouch for my well-being. One gentleman has stepped forward, but I feel as though I cannot trust anyone.

    I am told we are unhoused, but I do not believe them. I dream constantly of red doors and everyone who is supposed to be assisting me seems to have strange and varied opinions on the possibility of my recovery. Some are insistent that I should make no effort to heal.

    I am tired of being in these dark sea tunnels, if you will not return home, please send instructions as to what should be done with me.

  2. Grendel Footman Grendel Footman December 21, 2010

    I reccomend a lobotomy, it’s sure to aid Mrs. Underby in regaining her memories

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