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Junie’s Advert

Standing at the counter in the New Babbage Free Press office, Junie stood and re-read for about the hundredth time the ad she was about to place. It seemed a necessity. Martin was off galavanting around Builder knows where in between his chauffeur duties, Bert had apparently taken a job sweeping chimneys, Momoe and Kaylee were busy elsewhere, Njal was undoubtedly tarting around town, and tending bar was never something Mr. Lighthouse had enjoyed. Now that she thought about it, as far as she could remember, she wasn’t sure he had ever done it at all. Now that she was engaged in useful work in the City Archives, it was time to find a new staff to see to the well-being of The Gangplank.


Trustworthy bartender. Must be able to pour drinks, mix drinks, serve patrons, and occasionally sneer to make them feel seen. Must also be willing to wipe counters, mop floors, and clean the unmentionable places in the bar. Long hours.

Baker and chef. Must be willing to wake before dawn to buy the freshest ingredients from the market, to prepare recipes to owner’s specification, keep the ovens fired, and maintain a tidy kitchen. Aspic or gefilte fish will result in immediate dismissal.

Ordained cleric, to bless a rebuilt bar. Must provide own wine.

Bouncer. Must be able to drive unsavory types from the bar and see to its general security. Must also safeguard confidential documents in the office and execute other top secret activities as assigned.

*** All staff must be willing to maintain the privacy of the owner. They must not reveal her location to any old women with white hair and smelling of mothballs. ***


Room and board, a small stipend, and tips. May choose from available apartments above the bar. No loud music. Pets must be approved.

Please inquire with Miss Juniper Ginsburg at The Gangplank, Clockhaven.

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    • Junie Ginsburg Junie Ginsburg Post author | October 28, 2019

      Oh good, you’re here!

      How does the title “Squire Martin Malus, Gangplank Supervisor” grab you? You can help interview candidates, train them, and keep them in line.

      You know how we like to run a tight ship…

        • Junie Ginsburg Junie Ginsburg Post author | October 28, 2019

          So I have this idea, bear with me on this. You get your usual pay and tips, and then a percentage of the tips of everyone you supervise. So the more tips they get, the more tips you get. And then if someone new starts, then a percentage of *their* tips goes to the other staff, and then you get a cut of *that* total.

          It’s a little like a… I dunno. A triangle or something. We should come up with a snappy name for it and sell it to other businesses.

  1. Beryl Strifeclaw Beryl Strifeclaw October 28, 2019

    *Reads that pets must be approved and wonders where a large/moreau sized feline falls on that…considering how much furniture she herself destroyed in the past*

    Ah well, Good luck, Junie!

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