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In which they naturally assume the other will remove items that could end the world, command the undead or cause indigestion

Lady Cavendish poked her head into the third floor of the tower of the Library for Study of Genteel Alien Invasion & Vampirism. 

“Arthur?” she asked in a quiet voice.

He looked up.

“Arthur, did you really promise to cook a mummeh-wrapped air kraken with cinderberry garnish for a gathering to feed urchins? (( )) I don’t see you doing a spot of work. Are you leaving this to me?”

Arthur quickly put on his reassuring face. “Of course not, no. I would never spend such resources on urchins unless they were bringing us bodies on a regular basis. No, no, I am going to reheat the one that Lord Palmerston nearly choked to death on. We might as well do something with it.”

Lady Cavendish frowned. “Arthur, you know the issue with that dish. Pepe’ completely failed to clean the mummeh and it was filled with all sorts of little bones. He probably forgot to clean it of the magical amulets, tablets, trinkets and such. If you serve that to children, they could die, and the people of Babbage are very fond of their urchins…”

Arthur interrupted her. “Not to fear, Urchins are used to scavenging, as Lord Palmerston is not. They are used to picking out the bones for the useful meat. Not to worry. And if any did intake a bone, I’d be there to give them a good slap on the back. The problem with Lord Palmerston is that he had so much fat wrapped around him, we had no choice but to toss him off the second floor to dislodge it.”

Lady Cavendish continued to look on intently. She was used to Arthur taking short cuts. “What about any magical devices? You know better than anyone that the Egyptians buried their dead with protective magical devices and other items for use in the afterlife. There could be small magical tablets, talismans … When you cut up portions for the urchins, you might not see anything inside the slice until they have hands on it.”

Arthur shrugged, and looked down at the paper as if he was eager to read it. He looked up. “Look, Pepe didn’t die, summon forth a demon army or command the sun, and we got this mummeh as part of that sale, so I seriously doubt it has anything valuable or powerful in it. I suppose if it would make you feel better, and if I get the time, I could be sure to examine the body to remove any trinkets.”

Lady Cavendish, nodded. She knew what that meant. He wouldn’t do a thing. ” If you would find the time, or I suppose I could, if I could find the time, if you wouldn’t mind, though of course I would prefer you would since you are more experienced with them. There’s a reason you wrote the book about Egyptian magic (( ))

Arthur smiled. “Fine, fine, well one of us will get to it.” And he looked down.

Lady Cavendish nodded, thinking she had made her point as clearly as she could. And she went down the stairs.

Both Lady Cavendish and Arthur went to bed that night, and woke the morning after Christmas, positive the other had gone through the mummeh to make sure there were no powerful, deadly, magic, or indisposing trinkets inside the mummeh.

As you might have already figured out, neither actually did. 

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  1. Petharic Petharic December 25, 2013

    ‘ The problem with Lord Palmerston is that he had so much fat wrapped around him, we had no choice but to toss him off the second floor to dislodge it.’

    I approve of your decisive actions sir, well done!

    And as for any of those magical trinkets, (not that I believe in magic) if a few urchins swallow one or two, I’m sure they will pass.

  2. Morgan Douglas Morgan Douglas December 25, 2013

    Does that there mummeh go best with cranberry or mint jelleh?

    • Arthur Serpente Arthur Serpente December 26, 2013

      Good question! For the succelent air kraken and vegetables inside the wrappings, I recommend cinderberry garnish. On the other hand, if you wanted to feed the leftover nutrition-soaked wrappings to someone who you just needed to keep alive for experimentation, the strong flavor of mint jelleh would make it all more palatable. IMHO.

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