Mr M. Pontecorvo
c/- PFV Nourishments
20 Port Babbage
We received your letter with mixed feelings. While we are happy to hear that your stirring kettle and pouring vat did in fact arrive with all parts and were able to be assembled, and that you have indeed received the wall-mounted gas lights which were requested, the second half of your letter has us at quite a loss.
It is distressing to learn that your shipment was lacking requested parts; i.e. the reciprocating cutting blades, pulley belts, and interval step mechanism. We quite understand that the last, especially, is vital for the smooth functioning of your business, and we assure you that upon re-ordering replacements will be confirmed and on their way with the next shipment.
As for the small rotors and, as you say, ‘pipes and funnels of every damnable size’, we urge you to consider holding them in storage until this issue is resolved. After all, depending on the system you are making, some of those parts may come in useful.
Finally, we at F. Bogg & Co. are not masters of stealth, as carriage of heavy industrial parts tends one to heavy tread. Nor do we dabble in sabotage. I can assure you, sir, that none of our staff or contracted deliverymen are sneaking into your site and ‘nobbling’ parts at all. Perhaps you should speak to your builder about the foundations?
Frederick Regis Bogg
F. Bogg & Co. Ltd, Quality Industrial Goods
Bogg doesn’t seem to care that I CANNOT build the bloody main mechanism without these parts! Well, I could, but then cans would simply whiz past the blasted stations without being filled, sealed or labelled properly. Instead, the swine suggests that I push more money for his wretched scrap.
So, I’m now in possession of some driveshafts, gas tube, lamps, and pipework that ranges in size from ‘big enough to fit a wiggyfish in’ to ‘could make pennywhistles out of it’. I also suspect that the rotor mechanisms are from some sort of gramophone, God knows they’re fiddly enough.
The creaking from the floor seems to come from wherever Flood’s blasted mushrooms are sprouting. What the devil is in that stuff she blathers about?
Well, I’ll leave this here by the 7Seas vendors for you. Incidentally, what do you think of roof vents? Either it’s fumes from brazing, or maybe just the heat, but I’ve been having the odd dizzy spell.