Big Guns For Little Babbage!

When I’m not being asked about the staggeringly high rate of cats being caught in trees, I am being approached with a different, more concerning question; the question of defense.

Yes, Babbage is unfortunately a tiny city-state with a tiny arm–Militia. Criminals and general ne’erdoerwells? No problem. Pirates? Sure thing. Krakens? We can handle them. But what of mad scientists and nations we’ve managed to make more than a little peeved with us?

We could rally assistance from the outside, sure – but what if -everyone- is against us? What if they’ve already managed to conquer everyone else? What if such speculation was entirely baseless and I should just get to the point? A series of solutions have came to mind when it comes to safeguarding our small city from this big world: big weapons. Big, wondrous weapons. Wonder weapons, even.

Behold, the Sky-Shatterer! Its mighty guns will obliterate any foe foolish enough to threaten the sovereignty of our fair people! They’ll have a hard time conquering anything when they’re a messy crater! 

… Unfortunately, this one didn’t… come out right. There was some misunderstanding when it was being produced and it isn’t quite as large as I designed it to be. It’s less a Sky-Shatterer and more a Knee-Capper at this scale. But let this fill you with hope for the future! Moving on.

Is it just an ordinary crate, or is it something more? If you guessed the latter, you’d be entirely right! This weapons system is designed for stay-behind operations! We’re hoping it will never get to the point where Babbage is overrun, but it’s best to be safe! With one push of a button…

Behold! The Land Woodclad! Active and ready to unleash automated hell upon our would be conquerors! Not… particularly sturdy, and so surprise factors into its efficacy to a considerable degree. One must ask, if that is the case, why I am releasing details of this secret weapon publicly. Well, uh… look! Another variation!

Same situation as before! Take the box, press the button, and…

Euuugh! That’s… that’s not how… oh… oh god. This one was outsourced. I… I had nothing to do with this.

Is that a brain? Where did they even get that?!

… I maintain my position. Big guns for little Babbage.