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Another strange foreign visitor

I ‘ad another strange visitor today. ‘Madame Islay’ comes from far off shores and a town called ‘Russia’. She seemed oblivious to the cold and reckoned we should stick the bleedin sunday roast out for the beest instead of shoot the bugger! Load of hocus pocus and bunkum if you ask me, but she did teach me ‘ow to say bugger off in ‘russian’;

[07:29]  Gadget Starsider: I guess you will be looking for work when the gents come out later this evening

[07:30]  yti Islay: Perhaps you mistake my livelihood, young sir – I am from Russia – I tell fortunes from tealeaves

[07:31]  Gadget Starsider: Beg your pardon miss I thought you was a who…er…yes well nevermind

[07:31]  Gadget Starsider: What fortune might I have in store for me pray tell?

[07:31]  Gadget Starsider: Can you do it from gruel?

[07:32]  yti Islay: Hmm – let me look at your bowl of gruel

[07:32]  yti Islay turns bowl upside down, turns it 3 times and mutters

[07:33]  Gadget Starsider looks on transfixed

[07:33]  yti Islay: Ah, verry interesting, young man

[07:33]  yti Islay: I see you have lived a hard life

[07:33]  Gadget Starsider: Do I find a fortune beyond my wildest dreams?

[07:33]  yti Islay: There has been friends lost

[07:34]  Gadget Starsider: Bloody right miss, but we urchins is made of stuff like this ‘ere iron

[07:34]  yti Islay points at particular point in the bowl

[07:34]  yti Islay: Ah!

[07:34]  yti Islay: Here look!

[07:34]  Gadget Starsider: Where?

[07:34]  Gadget Starsider leans over

[07:34]  yti Islay: Is very bad

[07:34]  Gadget Starsider: Uh oh

[07:35]  yti Islay: Is mark of foreshadowing

[07:35]  Gadget Starsider: Looks like a lump of gruel to me miss

[07:35]  yti Islay: Shush!

[07:35]  Gadget Starsider: a mark of fore what?

[07:35]  yti Islay: You do not understand this ancient art

[07:35]  Gadget Starsider: I dont understand any art, bloody silly pictures if you ask me

[07:35]  yti Islay: is telling of ….

[07:36]  yti Islay: oj voj

[07:36]  Gadget Starsider: oj voj?

[07:36]  Gadget Starsider: What the blazes it that Miss?

[07:36]  yti Islay: there is blood going to be flowing – not yours – but near you – and soon, I think it

[07:36]  Gadget Starsider: Oh bugger

[07:37]  yti Islay: oj voj – it what we say in Russia when we hear bad news

[07:37]  Gadget Starsider: Bloody ‘ell

[07:37]  Gadget Starsider: thats what we say by-the-way

[07:38]  yti Islay crosses herself

[07:38]  Gadget Starsider: well I ‘ope its the beest’s blood what you speaks of Miss….

[07:38]  yti Islay: Is a darkness coming – I see it in your gruel bowl, young sir

[07:39]  Gadget Starsider: darkness? ‘as the lamp lighter been on the grog again and forgot to do ‘is rounds?

[07:39]  yti Islay: No!

[07:39]  yti Islay: Listen to me young master Starsider

[07:39]  Gadget Starsider sits up straight

[07:39]  yti Islay: In Russia – we have saying

[07:40]  yti Islay: When the darkness is coming – pull your children close and leave out a lamb – for some blood will be spilled, let it not be our own

[07:41]  Gadget Starsider: Cant we eat the lamb and leave out some gruel?

[07:41]  yti Islay: is saying

[07:42]  yti Islay holds up her hands in annoyance

[07:42]  Gadget Starsider: Well in Babbage we say……When Darkness is coming……light the bloody lamps!

(Reproduced with kind permission of Madame Islay – Soothsayer and fortunes foretold)


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  1. Fono Heninga Fono Heninga November 30, 2010

    You seem to be catching all sorts of things in your trap! An obvious success (you just need to tune it for beest to get rid of all the false positives). :D

  2. Jonathon Spires Jonathon Spires November 30, 2010

    In Imperial Russia, Fortune tells YOU

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