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A New Year’s Message


Deep within a frozen fortress, a familiar voice began to speak to those that currently resided within it’s walls, “Festive greetings and Happy New Year to all minions, associates, visiting villains, and permanent guests. I want to congratulate you all on surviving another year, and yes, once again you will be receiving your Christmas bonus provided that you met your individual villainy quota’s.”  

“Before we start you might realize that I failed to give my Christmas address this year and I’ve heard the rumor that it was due to us spreading ourselves too thin after the loss of the Dauntilus submarine.  That is not true.  The reason that I missed the Christmas broadcast was because I was traveling, and let me tell you I’m so excited by what I’ve seen that I’ve got goosepimples!

“It is true though that the Babbage campaign met with disaster and getting a foothold in Romanchuria was problematic, but we still have other plans in the works.  Remember, we’re shooting for the moon people!”

But, apparently we made some mistakes down here on Earth.  Turns out Romanchurians already really don’t like outsiders and the lab boys tell me that bragging about killing one of their local legends might have been a bad idea.  Half of them even told me that the villainous laughter attached to the recording was over the top and set them even more firmly against us.  Furthermore, and I’m quoting here, ‘It was a foolish gesture that no one took seriously.’

“So I want this on record…as of today there’s job openings for half of the lab boys.” The microphone produced heavy feedback as Johnson squeezed the handle, “We’ve got an art to perfect here people!  If it says brag and laugh maniacally over a hero or ex-employee’s corpse, then by the Builder: I will stand behind my firing squad and do a happy little dance number today as we send the lab boys off to meet their great great grandfathers!”

The voice paused and then continued in a more diminished tone, “However it is with a sad heart that I announce that our plans for the Romanchuria-New Babbage experiment are going on hold this year.  Our underground infiltration of the Power Station ended in failure last Summer when it suddenly went critical and some of my agents that I had working in Wheatstone infiltrating the militia and the rest in the Clockhaven sewer systems have disappeared.

“I know, you’re devestated, but I have some much better news for you!  We have successfully made our first landing at the former New Babbage Moon Base!”

“That’s right people!  We’re no longer shooting for the moon!  We’ve made it!  Get ready to begin operation Moon Rocks sometime this summer for our takeover of the former New Babbage space station.  We managed to bring back a small clockwork we found lying up there abandoned who we will be extracting the schematics from tout suite!”

“This is P.J. everyone wishing you all a Villainous New Year!”



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