Dear Mr. Arnold,
Thank you for your recent expressed interest in job competition #00001 for the position of Knight’s Squire (in the service of a knight of the highest distinction and unimpeachable honour). Unfortunately the position for which you have applied has been filled. I understand how this news must come as a great disappointment for you (given your obvious fascination with me and my business affairs). Therefore, in an effort to mitigate your despair I offer you the following opportunity by way of a consolation.
As I am sure you have heard, Squire Malus and I are preparing to embark on a most remarkable adventure… a quest if you will. In my absence I require the services of a majordomo to maintain my property and discourage squatters from taking up residence. I can think of no one better skilled at discouraging visitors from overstaying their welcome than you. In addition, your duties will include collecting mail and managing my accounts (use the books on the desk, not the ones in the drawer). Also, I would request that you power-up the Tesla cannon once per day to keep it primed. You may want to fire off a round or two every few days (to remind the theatre owner across the canal that it still functions). Miss MacBain may be stopping by to raid the ice-box. Try not to antagonize her, she is doing so with my permission. Please stay out of the basement of the house next to the clock, it is locked for a reason.
We can discuss compensation upon my return… but I won’t expect you to pay too much for the honour of service.
Yours respectfully, Sir Emerson Lighthouse, NBE