I am writing this morning to propose a small matter of business. It strikes me that in these pushful days of spiralling expenditures, business moguls like us need to stick together. So when an opportunity spontaneously came to mind the other day during a moment of quiet contemplation I immediately thought of you.
Rather than start with all the flowery accolades and Victorian flourishes that one typically resorts to when commencing a correspondence I will simply cut to the chase. I am writing you to request a loan of ten thousand quatloos to finance a short business trip.
Now, Victor, I know at this point you might be smiling and shaking your head as you think: that crazy Emerson, he must think me mad. And I cannot criticize you for your healthy skepticism. So by way of a guarantee I offer you my word of honour as a double knight, that your loan shall flourish under my protection. More than flourish – I offer you a return of twice your initial investment – so long as you accept payment in raw gold ore. However, should my word not be sufficient for your auditors and financial advisors please assure them that Miss Ginsburg and I are prepared to offer the Gangplank as collateral.
Before I close I have one further proposal for your consideration, and I share this with you in the utmost confidence. If you were to invest, and I successfully return to New Babbage, I will be in possession of a significant supply of gold ore. That ore will need to be sold to parties who are not concerned with documentation or certificates of ownership. Conversion to untraceable quatloos is a requirement.
Neither Junie nor I are acquainted with the sort of businessmen who engage in this manner of transaction. However, surely a man of your stature and experience would know how to reach individuals who provide that type of service. Of course, it goes without saying, that should you help us to broker such a deal you would retain a significant commission.
Sir Sir Emerson Lighthouse, MD, PHD, DDS, NBE (twice knighted thrice retired),
PS: Should you find these terms acceptable, Miss Ginsburg and I will be leaving New Babbage for a short excursion. Full repayment will be offered upon our return. Should we not return within a specified amount of time the deed to the Gangplank will be delivered to you.
A Letter of Opportunity to Victor Mornington