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A Brief Letter and Invaluable Gift to Victor Mornington

Dear Victor,

I am writing you as a fellow bar owner and business mogul. As you know times are tough and all indications suggest it may be a lean winter indeed. Coal shortages have driven up prices and has everyone on edge. Why just last weekend The Gangplank was robbed of all our Chivas higher quality stock. These are shocking times indeed, when scoundrels turn to that most egregious of offenses – stealing liquor. 

This brings me to the point of this missive. I am writing you in a show of solidarity and to offer you some assistance in an attempt to save you from impoverishment. As you know, I pride myself on being in tune with trends. Now, don’t take this as a critique, but as a pop culture pundit, I can’t help but notice your wonderful bar to be sorely lacking in common iconography favoured by the people. It is celebrity that people want to see, particularly stars from the sporting industry. 

As New Babbage’s most recent sports icon and racing hero I am sending you an autographed picture of me taken in front of my G0-Devil (product of Ying Research Inc. Order yours today) taken by the lovely Miss Ginsburg. Feel free to frame it and grace the walls above your bar with this invaluable gift. This type of barroom icon, the autographed celebrity photo, will become a staple in bars of the future, trust me. Why ride the crest when you can lead it.


Emerson Lighthouse, Pro Racer 


PS: There is still time to offer me a sponsorship


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  1. Bookworm Hienrichs Bookworm Hienrichs December 9, 2012


    By the way, I hope you didn’t wear the scarf during the race? *envisions an Isadora Duncan-like incident…*

  2. Victor1st Mornington Victor1st Mornington December 9, 2012

    Mornington sat back in a chair with his hooves up on the bar when a city messenger ran in and handed Mornington a letter.  He could already tell it was from Emerson as the envelope was an off beige colour and there was stamped name seals all over the front…probably fake….

    About 5 minutes later one of the Port workers had stopped in to confirm the massive shipping list of food which Mornington had delivered yesterday…only to walk in to an angry hooved man stomping around the lower bar ranting and raving to himself.

    “…the utter CHEEK of that buffoon?!”

    “uhhh….Mista Morning….”

    “…save me from impoverishment…save ME from going destitute?! I got enough money in the bank to bank roll his two bit spit and sawdust bar 30 times over and STILL have enough money left…the impudent fool!”

    “….uhhhhhhh thats…ummm nice…uhhhh Mista Morningto….”

    “…lacking ‘common iconography’ on the bar walls, what does he think this place is some kinda 2 bit poster shop for kids?!”

    “….thats,…uhhhhh nice Mista Morn…”

    “Sports…ICON?!  He wants ME to post his picture on the walls of this establishment…why i’d rather throw dar…”

    Mornington grinned and turned to the now petrified Port dock worker.

    “Uhhhhhhh Mista Mornington….can you, uhhh, sign for this please?”

    Mornington signed the shipping and tax document and handed the dock worker a double helping of chivas…and then asked him a question…

    “My good fellow…do you know anywhere i might be able to purchase… a dart board?”

    • Petharic Petharic December 9, 2012

      If there is any justice in this world there may be a little voodoo doll magic in that picture.
      *squints eye and aims for the bulls-eye*

    • Stargirl Macbain Stargirl Macbain December 9, 2012


      That’s my Gangplank you’re talking about!

      • Mumsy Abigail Mumsy Abigail December 9, 2012

        I don’t see the problem here.

    • Avariel Falcon Avariel Falcon December 9, 2012

      Strangely, there are a couple of dart boards in the old pawn shop in Clockhaven. I’m certain that old Mr Worthing who runs the place could send one your way. *nods*

  3. Junie Ginsburg Junie Ginsburg December 9, 2012

    Nothing like a bit of Em appeal.


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