I am writing you as a fellow bar owner and business mogul. As you know times are tough and all indications suggest it may be a lean winter indeed. Coal shortages have driven up prices and has everyone on edge. Why just last weekend The Gangplank was robbed of all our
Chivas higher quality stock. These are shocking times indeed, when scoundrels turn to that most egregious of offenses – stealing liquor.
This brings me to the point of this missive. I am writing you in a show of solidarity and to offer you some assistance in an attempt to save you from impoverishment. As you know, I pride myself on being in tune with trends. Now, don’t take this as a critique, but as a pop culture pundit, I can’t help but notice your wonderful bar to be sorely lacking in common iconography favoured by the people. It is celebrity that people want to see, particularly stars from the sporting industry.
As New Babbage’s most recent sports icon and racing hero I am sending you an autographed picture of me taken in front of my G0-Devil (product of Ying Research Inc. Order yours today) taken by the lovely Miss Ginsburg. Feel free to frame it and grace the walls above your bar with this invaluable gift. This type of barroom icon, the autographed celebrity photo, will become a staple in bars of the future, trust me. Why ride the crest when you can lead it.
Emerson Lighthouse, Pro Racer
PS: There is still time to offer me a sponsorship