The Great Cheese Caper
The lad was hunting through the streets of New Babbage for a villain of the most despicable sort, one who was undermining the long established trading mores, one who would steal the very food from the mouths of urchins…. a man who was selling quality cheese at knockdown prices! This was having a considerable impact on the urchins own cheese empire, something that could not be borne, so Tepic was out on his rounds… sniffing out the bounder.
As he passed the open air art gallery, he spotted an airship he had not seen before and sauntered over. There was an odd squeaking sound as he made his way through the exhibits, but no danger appeared so he continued, spying Mr Firecrest standing by the airship gangplank.
They chatted about airships for a while, the boy describing the one he had owned at one time, and how Beryl had really loved flying in it. Mr Firecrest’s was called The Albatross, which the boy though a little strange.
Then the Captain asked what brought the lad to that part of the City, and Tepic explained his mission to hunt down the scurvy dog who was selling cheese, and how he and a few of the lads were going to have a chat with the chap to explain the error of his ways.
For some reason, Mr Firecrest seemed a little uneasy, but Tepic assumed it was due to the wind changing direction and concern for his airship. It was back to air captaincy the conversation drifted and the upgrades he was planning for his ship. There was a need for new armaments, and the fox boy wondered if one of the old Tesla cannons from the walls would do the job, even though it would take up most of the deck space. Mr Firecrest thought that might be a little too large, and had some ideas of his own, though this did not prevent the lad suggesting one of the old harpoon guns behind Ahab’s, or even one of the urchins own firework firing machine guns, ideal against hydrogen filled airships.
At this point the wind changed slightly, causing the lad to sniff enquiringly…
“Say..” he enquired, “that bloke with the cheese… he ain’t been sellin round here has he?”
“Why?” asked the Air Captain.
“It don’t half pong like there’s a lot of that stuff as has gone off around here… yer know, the fancy stuff with blue an green mould all over…” the boy explained, “but a bit of that stinks bout the same as a small lump…”
“You have a excellent nose.” The man said, with a sigh.
“Oh yes, us foxes is renowned fer our sense of smell… errrr…. or somethin bout foxes an smell…. can’t quite remember…” the lad stated proudly, happy that the chap recognised foxy abilities, “course, if Jimmy were about, or DreadPirateBob…. well.. ain’t no use tryin ter smell anythin then…. though since Jimmy been workin fer Mr Dark, he’s changed a lot…. yer can’t tell he’s only three streets away no more…”
Mr Firecrest nodded and asked “Is that the wax museum chap?”, happy to change the subject.
“yep, that’s the bunny!”
“Never actually met him.”
“bit of an odd cove, ain’t always sure which is the wax bloke an which ain’t….” the boy looked thoughtful for a while, then continued brightly “well, time I were off, see if I can track down this cheese blighter…”
The boy turned away, only to come face to face with a creature he had never seen in the City before, though it did resemble one he had come across in his travels.
“ello Sir, yer new in the City?” he greeted the newcomer.
The sloth looked up at him and gave out a low squeak, prompting Tepic to whisper to the man behind him “:’es a sloth, they’s very shy, we don’t see em too often round here…”
“I imagine not,” came the reply, “This one is quite friendly though.”
“bloomin well hope so,” said the boy, “yer seen the size of them claws?”
The man chuckled before saying “You haven’t seen him use them. Tepic, this is my co pilot Sigmund.”
Sigmund gave a loud “Squeak” in greeting.
“oh… so yer knows each other then, already?” the lad asked, disappointed not to be able to show off his knowledge of sloths to his friend.
“Indeed.” Mr Firecrest said, with another smile.
The smile faded as Sigmund chattered rapidly at his boss.
“You think so?” the man asked, to which the sloth nodded emphatically.
“are yer from Madagasca? lots of sloths from there….” the boy asked, dredging up something he had just remembered. Sigmund squeaked once, confusing the lad.
“hmmm……. were that squeak fer yes, or squeak fer no?”
“Neither.” The Captain stated as his co-pilot chattered frustratedly at him, ”Are you sure?”
“Squeak!” was the reply.
“I’m not sure that is a good idea”
“never learned sloth…” the lad interjected, feeling the conversation was getting away from him, “knows a bit of dog, an cat of course, an most of the rodent ones…”
The man glanced down and said “I don’t know them, just Sloth.”
At this Sigmund sat back and gave an emphatic “SQUEAK!”
“Oh fine!” his captain exclaimed, before directing his words at the lad “Tepic…” there was an uncomfortable pause, then “I’m afraid I have a confession…”
“cor blimey, don’t let Miss Book hear yer say that, she’d have yer in the slammer faster than yer could say ‘I retract!”” the lad sagely advised.
The man couldn’t help chuckling at the statement, then his countenance took on a serious demeanour again and he took a breath and said “I’m the uh…. “Cheese Blighter””
“YOU?!!!” exclaimed the boy, shocked to his core.
“Alright.. “, the man said, glancing round worriedly, “keep it down!”
“what yer doin, floodin the streets with cheap cheese!”
Mr Firecrest looked hurt, “It’s not cheap.”
“I reckons yer don’t know the value of cheese if yer think yer’s gettin a good price, from what I hear people’s been payin!” the scorn in the boy’s voice was clear.
“Look, please understand my position… “ the captain explained, “I had an amazing deal! A big stately house, south of here a bit, decided they wanted a huge order of best Caledon Blue.”
A look of concern passed over Tepic’s face, “best Caledon… the stuff with an accent?”
“That’s the stuff!” the smuggler declared proudly, it had been difficult to find.
“errrr……… yer got it stored in a cool cellar, ain’t yer..?” the boy eyed the floating airship warily, “a VERY cool cellar..?”
“Ice.” Mr Firecrest gestured to the dripping crates beside him on the Dock, “I’ve been cooling it with ice. That was what I was doing when you showed up.”
“them crates there..? sittin on the Dock…… in the … sun?” the boy asked, edging backwards.
“It’s ok for now, but it won’t last long.”
“neither will anythin in bout a twenty foot radius if it ain’t kept cool!” the boy nervously said.
“I couldn’t take it back, my only option was to try to sell it and make something back.”
“yer musta got a bloomin good deal when yer bought the stuff, if yer sellin it an makin a profit at what i been told yer sellin it fer!” the lad stated.
“It was” replied the adventurer. “But when I arrived to make the delivery, the house was gone. Just wreckage.”
“Yep… happens a lot round here, specially round Firework Night…” Tepic replied, then something crossed his mind, “oh……. errrrrr…. is yer tellin folk it’s Caledon Blue?”
“I mentioned it.” The man said, unsure where the conversation was going.
“an yer askin how much an ounce?”
“I’m bartering.” Came the reply.
There was a pause as the fox boy looked down at Sigmund who looked back with a slothish shrug.
“is he always this good a trader?” Tepic asked his furry companion. The squeak in reply was, this time, clearly understandable.
“Hey!” the man exclaimed, “We did OK on that temple run!”
The chittering gave the impression that OK may not have been the most accurate description of the adventure.
“I know that. What do you think we’re doing here?”
The boy gave a sigh, this was not quite the encounter he had envisaged.
“I’m not trying to undercut anyone’s business, but I sunk a lot of savings into this cheese venture.” The chap explained.
“look, Mr Firecrest, we was gonna toast the bloke as was sellin that cheese under a coatin of his own product…..” the lad gave a shrug before continuing “but looks like yer needin a bit of a hand in dealin with folks in the big City…..”
“I could do with that yes.” The smuggler somewhat reluctantly conceded, then gave a glance at the crates, “Also somewhere cool, do you have somewhere?”
“best place would be over the City Wall in Clockhaven, the lower levels is the best place ter keep stuff cool, an it’s dry too….” the boy suggested, “loads of people stash stuff there, so it’s safe, cus if someone started nickin, they’s have us all down on em…..”
Mr. Firecrest nodded, the protection of mutual dis-respectability was well known, then came to a decision, “If you can help, I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.”
This sounded good to the lad, now all they had to thrash out was the details, “how much of the stuff yer got?” he asked, then as the captain indicated all the crates stacked beside him, “blimey…. first off, yer gets it down the inside of the walls an proper cool, an I’ll take a crate off yer hands, say cost plus ten percent?”
“Fifteen.” Countered the man automatically.
“Five.” The boy immediately responded, earning a widening of Sigmund’s eyes and a surprised look from his new business partner.
“Hmm…” Mr Firecrest pondered this unexpected turn of events, “Ten and an airship ride?”
“Done!” the lad exclaimed, spitting in his hand and holding it out to seal the bargain. The captain shook the boy’s hand, though did omit to spit in his own palm. Before the shake was released Tepic added a rider, “that’s as long as it don’t explode before it reaches Clockhaven, of course….”
Sigmund went back to lookout duty while the other two discussed the finer points of cheese sales, including the fact that it might be difficult to sell untaxed cheese to the City Tax Collector, even though he also ran the poshest restaurant in the town. Tepic called over Billy and Charlie, his two sidekicks, to cover the crates and keep them wetted down until the airship could take them over to the Wall that night.
There was a soft squeaking from their lookout who had seen Captain Bookworm of the Militia walking towards the Dock. The two conspirators swiftly moved to intercept the officer before she could get in smelling distance to the contraband. It turned out she had some business to discuss with Mr Firecrest, so Tepic excused himself after checking, as it was getting dark, that they did not need him to stay as chaperone, just in case.
That night would be the exciting business of getting the crates safely stored in the Wall, a prospect of adventure that gave the young lad a warm glow of happiness as he strolled into the evening.
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