London * Hong Kong * Chicago * Baghdad * New Babbage * Ephinburg
TO: Sir Derek Darlington
Vice President
Product Development, Sales & Marketing
SIMCo HQ, London
RE: The Bristlelip Mustache Emporium
Sir Derek,
Just a brief note to let you know it’s done. As unwise and ridiculous as it is, it’s done. Against all better judgment, I have followed your instructions and set up a new shop in New Babbage to vend SIMCo’s new product. THE BRISTLELIP EMPORIUM is now open, a venture I’m sure will end in financial insolvency, copious lawsuits, and more negative publicity than when the Pep-U-Up potions we sold to Academy students during exam week caused them to become so mentally unbalanced that they developed an irrational, unstoppable compulsion to stuff themselves into barrels with as many of their classmates as they could manage (lending the phrase “cramming for finals” a new and altogether indecorous shade of meaning).
I shall avoid the temptation to (yet again) state my arguments against making the mustache product available to the general public. While the Institute’s researchers are deservedly proud of their discovery, all of us here at Shockley Biologics very much feel this rush to market is not in the company’s best interest. Helping the mustache-bereft derive uplifting confidence from a fresh growth of manly lip whiskers is, indeed, a noble pursuit, but it seems an extreme measure to bring this about with the aid of largely untested compounds containing abundant quantities of lycan enzymes. (Because it can not be overstated or repeated too often, in the interest of plausible deniability I once again request that you never, ever tell me the producer’s source for industrial-level quantities of said enzymes. Not ever. NEVER.)
Heed my warnings or simply ignore me – I am merely a servant and I believe you will find that, in creating the Emporium, I have given worthy service. The shop is located at the fashionable end of the Savoury Street Market (near the alley, away from the briny, fishy port side). Any gentleman desirous of a full and expressive mustache may enter the shop and pay for one. Heaven help him.
Yours in doubt and foreboding,
Buckminster Solo
The Bristlelip Emporium
SURL: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Port%20Babbage/88/248/106
Marketplace URL: https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/185631
All together now:
What could possibly go wrong?