Twilight at the Sneaky Vole

Brother Scorpio looked into the canal, wondering how things had turned so bad so quickly. He and Lapis had been ordered to find and shut down the urchin drinking facility at once, as a service to public health and for the welfare of the children.

“We should have brought Lox with us.” he said off-handedly to Lapis, who took Scorpio’s cassock when he handed it to him. Scorpio kicked off his shoes and sighed as he looked into the murky canal water. He held his breath and jumped in.

—

Brother Scorpio had kept his distance from the little shack, looking on in dismay as several urchins sat on makeshift chairs eating gherkins and carrying on a lively conversation with Brother Lapis. The shack in which the apparent ringleader sat looked as though the roof would fall in at any moment. The little ringleader was listing off his wares, which included bottles with a rancid, fishy flavor to the liquor, some “fancy wine”, and ginger beer, as well as plenty of pickles.

Brother Lapis was ordering one of the runners named Ruddy through a sobriety test. Scorpio began to try to reason with the urchins. That was his first mistake.

He tried to impress upon them a value of an education, especially to the ringleader named Tepic. Aside from the tail and ears, the boy would be a perfect candidate for the Church’s education program. Alas, the children were not inclined to agree and at the mention of medical care recounted horror stories of the town’s doctors.

Scorpio tried a different tact, mentioning that the conditions in which they lived led to the need for them to seek medical attention from the unskilled doctors that plagued New Babbage. While surprisingly the children in the group did not seem to have need for medical attention, Tepic admitted that the children who worked in the factories did.

That brought Scorpio back around to the need for a better education, but again the children turned it down. Lapis interjected, questioning the children’s hygiene. The kids were digging in, citing almost daily baths in the filthy canal water.

Scorpio had had it. There was no reasoning with these children. Exasperated, he ordered them to cease and desist all business activity, citing it as a public health hazard and for not having the proper permits. Lapis took a different approach, quoting from the Book of Structures as he gave the pole that supported the makeshift awning a shake to test its stability, then gave it a side wall of the shack a well calculated kick to make sure if fell apart. He tossed the ragged cloth that was the awning aside before it could catch fire or trap the urchins inside.

The kids went into an uproar, bailing out of the small shack. Tepic socketed a gherkin into his slingshot, drawing it back and taking aim at the Brothers. Scorpio drew his hammer from his belt and lightly tapped a board on the side of the shack, the rusted nails giving up far too quickly. That’s when he felt a gherkin strike him in the back of the head.

He spun around and narrowed his eyes on Tepic, who was already reloading. The others children picked up whatever they could find, various old fruits and such about, and started hurling them at the Brothers.

The Brothers attempted to shield themselves, and the crowd of urchins seemed to draw in on them. Scorpio noticed Lapis going for his sword and he knew the situation was getting out of hand. He raised his hammer over his shoulder and took a well calculated aim, throwing the hammer to the left of Tepic.

The hammer struck the ground and bounced wildly and safely away from the crowd, pleased to see that the effect he had been going for was immediate. The crowd of children fractured and backed away toward the canals. Scorpio ran after the hammer, the kids continuing to toss whatever they could get their hands on. Lapis kicked over the structure easily before running after them.

Scorpio picked up his hammer and sighted in the gangleader again. In his frustration, he gave the hammer another throw, aiming a little closer to the boy. Again, the kids scattered, but this time Tepic ran after the hammer, picking it up and heaving it into the canal.

The Brothers gave chase, catching up to them on the bridge of the first canal they came to.  Lapis caught Ruddy and turned him upside down, then held him out over the rail of the bridge by his ankles. The rest of the kids scattered, Scorpio finding himself unable to catch any one of them. “I’m not afraid of you,” sputtered Ruddy, his face turning purple from the blood rush. Lapis casually let go and heard the splash as the boy hit the water. Lapis waited until Ruddy bobbed to the surface, spitting out a stream of water and treading in the ick of the canal, before taking a step towards the nearest urchin. “Who’s next?” said Lapis, his hand resting meaningfully on the hilt of his sword.

The kids ran and Tepic was nowhere to be seen. Coming up the canal from the south was a makeshift raft that looked in danger of falling apart. It was Tepic, poling as fast as he could from the rear of the raft. He fished his friend out of the water and yelled to the others to leap for it, and soon they were all safely out of the reach of the adults. The Brothers looked on as the kids paddled away.

—

Scorpio gripped the wall of the canal and tossed the hammer up onto the cobbles above. Lapis reached down and took his hand, helping to pull him up from the water. Dripping wet, Scorpio picked up his hammer and placed it back into his belt. He took his cassock and folded it over his arm.

“Let’s go back and claim our tithe before someone else does. That was a damned good vintage.” Lapis said.

Scorpio nodded, “I could use a drink.”

“You know what, Scorp?” Lapis started a thought, but trailed off.

“What?” Brother Scorpio snapped, impatient at Lapis’ growing amusement.

“You’re going to be a terrible father, if that second application goes through.”