SuperVillain Try Outs: Now is the time for those of you with a maniacal laugh, tyrannical motives and an aptitude for making minions to step into the spotlight. The contest is going to be held entirely on the BAR ( http://cityofnewbabbage.online/reader/ ).
There will be three posts/events for hopefuls to compete in, this is the first:
1-Monologuing: Take this opportunity to toot your own horn. Tell us what makes you deserve the SuperVillain title. What are your plans for taking over? Why should we all bow and accept your greatness?
(Bystanders and Hecklers are allowed to comment as well!)
Dr. Dinosaur steps onto the stage, taps the microphone, motions for clockwork drones to bring out a bigger LOUDER mic, emblazoned with a gold raptor head, taps on it to test it, causing a high piched squeal, and nods:
I am Doctor Dinosaur Runner, Dr. Dino as I am often called, or The Raptor, You’ve no doubt heard of me. I’m the one who had started a countdown to tuetonic elimination with my DoomClocks. I took over and occupied the Clockhaven Aetheric Power Plant and rerouted power for my own nefarious deeds. I’ve recently sent my army of automotons to spread hypno-receivers throughout the city, and many of you won’t even realize, you’re already under my control!
The more strong willed ones will be weeded out in time as we make room for Babbage’s New Jurrasic Era! I will, when I rule, put a Mecharaptor on every street corner, and a whatcher keeping watch on every home.
I will keep all you feeble-minded mammals under my subliminal control! Dissenters and those somehow immune will be dealt with, possibly with some orange sauce and paired with a nice red wine…
Under my reign, you will all be required to eat pie, anyone who does not like pie will be fed to my latest experiment in the techniques of the late Dr. Moreu, as I happen to have a large, angry mutated amalgam of raptor,srizzlesnake, wiggyfish, and gorilla…..we call her ‘Petunia’.
Do not think you can run or hide! as I have a network of agents as far as Steelhead! loyal followers of the Raptor sworn to me!…..They have to be, I exposed them to the full frequency of my Mentok Broadcaster afterall, their minds are the consistency of jelly.
So! New Babbage! Witness the Future of Your Doom!! The Raptor is Here!!!
VIVA LA RAPTOR!!!
I’m never going to eat your pie!
What kind of pie? They’re not meat pies are they? I much prefer ones like lemon meringue, peach, and pumpkin – and any with chocolate.
You’re who now? Oh yes, the cat’s friend…
If we re-defined friend to someone I would run up to on the street, claw to death in broad daylight, right in front of the entire militia including yourself, and simply didn’t care that you, he, and everyone else would use lethal force to stop me…then yes. He is my only friend at this point. My bestest, best friend.
What are you on about?
I don’t recall this happening. Perhaps you need to check yourself back into the hospital…
Yes. Probably I do.
You lot got wiped out 65 million years ago, i mean honestly, ya cant even survive a little rock hitting the planet, how ya gonna do going up against Bookworm and Jed Dagger!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *insert more heckling stuff here*
*throws tomatoes on stage*
The Hobo Hacker shambled onto the stage, wearing his favorite purple jumper, stripy purple and black trousers and purple curtain cape.
Peering at the crowd with his unsteady and decidedly unfocused gaze he took a swig from his absinthe bottle and set forth his agenda!
Unfortunatly he was so drunk no one could understand much beyond…
“Purple! Puuurple! He he he! Purple people everywhere!”.
At that point the clockwork unicorn dragged her somewhat pathetic nemesis off stage to save further embarrassment.
As many of you know, this isn’t my first attempt at gently cajoling all the wonderful, intelligent New Babbagers to see the light, and join the pre-bohemian revolution. It’s caffienated, you know!
As proof of the power of Ceejaytopia, let me point out Exhibit A: Blackberry Harvey. It did not take much to convince him to keep the CocoaJava running, and to keep that powerful coffee bean brewing and flowing down New Babbage’s collective throat.
And might I now point out Exhibit B? Viiiiiiiiiictor Mornington, who though he may claim differently, continues to ply the holy bean withing hugging distance of Mister Harvey. They are joined in this venture and cannot bear to be apart. Someday they will realize this truth.
I do wish my old friend Mister Underby was here… I nearly had him ready to convert, I swear I did. He hid behind all those old carnival tricks and schemes simply because he was afraid to be open about his feelings. Poor man. He could have been saved by a hug.
With smooches,
Your benevolent future overlady,
Ceejay Writer
*Starts cheering for Ceejay…
…until she mentions me and the evil coffee cartel ex-leader being joined at the hip*
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!
*throws teabags on the stage*
Oh, do not MAKE me deliver my Very Long Speech about the cruelty inflicted on harvested tea leaves vs. the collaborative helpfulness inherent in coffee beans. Do not. Or… feel free to ask, future minion. ;)
From high above the city, St. Jimmy shouted into the vocal amplificator of the Storm Chaser…
CHILDREN OF NEW BABBAGE!
FOR TOO LONG THE ADULTS IN THIS TOWN HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO! THEY THREATEN
YOU WITH AETHER MONSTERS! THEY THREATEN YOU WITH BATHS! THEY TAKE YOUR BOOZE!
WHEN THEY ALMOST DESTROY THE CITY, WHO SAVES IT? YOU, THE URCHINS! MY NAME IS
ST. JIMMY AND YOU BETTER NOT WEAR IT OUT! KING OF THE FORTY THIEVES AND I’M
HERE TO REPRESENT THE URCHINS OF NEW BABBAGE AND THE NEW ESTABLISHMENT! JOIN ME
AND WE SHALL TAKE THIS CITY, MAKE IT OURS! NO MORE WILL THE ADULTS TELL YOU
WHAT TO DO! IT SHALL BE YOU, THE URCHINS, TELLING THE ADULTS WHAT TO DO! I AM
LIKE YOU! I WAS RAISED IN THE CITY UNDER A HALO OF SMOG! I KNOW WHAT IT IS TO
BE LIED TO! THAT’S ALL THE ADULTS DO, IS LIE! YOU, THE URCHINS ARE THE
LIFEBLOOD OF THIS CITY! WHEN THE ADULTS MESS THINGS UP, WHO FIXES IT? YOU, THE
URCHINS! THE CITY WOULD BE DESTROYED A DOZEN TIMES OVER WITHOUT YOU! IT IS TIME
FOR YOU TO BE IN CHARGE! MY NAME IS ST. JIMMY AND I’M A SON OF A GUN, EXECUTING
SOME FUN IN THE CULT OF A LIFE OF CRIME! I REALLY HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I TOLD
YOU SO, THE ADULTS WILL ALWAYS HOLD YOU DOWN! RISE UP AGAINST THE ADULTS! JOIN
ME! WELCOME TO THE CLUB! I’M THE RESIDENT LEADER OF THE LOST AND FOUND! I’M ST.
JIMMY, AND THAT’S MY NAME… DON’T WEAR IT OUT!
Check your keyboard. The capslock is stuck.
Monologuing is a trap for the young upcoming villain. Overconfidence breeds underestimation of your opponent and soon you’re telling them how feeble they are and how useless their attempts at stopping you will be because [insert explanation of plan here].
While it is true that the non-human elements are untrustworthy by nature, the human populous aren’t exactly going to win the award for Humanitarian of the Year.
While putting on a show with lights and whistles may let everyone know who you are, it also gives the mobs with pitchforks a focus to target their yokel mentalities on. Work from the shadows, employ agents to do your bidding, find a trusted Lieutenant. Or if you must take charge personally ensure you’ll get away with it.
Some villains want to rule the world. They’re welcome to it. The squabbling of children in Kindergarten is more likely to achieve results than trying to herd International Governments. Napoleon tried to rule Europe and look where that got him. He came close too but tried to push things too quickly. Niccolo is a much better teacher.
*steps up onto the stage amidst gasps from the audience*
Citizens of the City State of New Babbage…
You have heard from a reptile with delusions of grandeur, you have heard from a tramp saying something about purple and then being pushed off stage by a clockwork unicorn, you have heard from a caffeine addict who spends most days lazing around drinking absinthe, you have heard from someone shouting incoherently…and you have heard from some old man.
Now, you will hear from someone who knows how to entrap an entire city. How to shift the blame from one person to another and then shioft that blame back to the original person. Someone who knows how to import and export highly illegal and life threatening plagues into the city which infests the entire population and turns them into shambling zombies for an entire week.
Being a villian is not just about shouting loudly!
It’s not just about evil laughs!
It’s about working in the background, pulling the strings of everyone around you to do your bidding!
Infecting an entire city, for THREE YEARS in a row, with no repercussions!
That person, who can do all of this….is not me…I am completely innocent!
*walks off stage to bemused claps*
three consecutive times? really? I am impressed, you’ve infected the city when they’ve gotten used to walking corpses.
*puts on hipster glasses* I infected the city before it became mainstream.
*steps onto the stage admidst a combination of scratched heads, confused looks, clears his throat and adjust the volume on his rebreather.”
It was recomended I try the supervillian career path, as I have caused a fair number of explosions, escaped soul devouring monsters, the original Zombie plauge of New Babbage, burnt down miss Writer’s cafe, dropped highly toxic chemicals in the canals, ran experiments on the more mythological folk until they became more rare, put Pocket in a coma, etc etc, and I have done it all without reprucussions, I’ve even been a member of the military despite it all.
I will admit, it has on occasion ran through my mind to take over the city with an army of steampowered zombies with drills for hands. But that is not nessicary. I have all the resources I could ever need, my own company, and chairman status in one of the Antarctic Colonies. Even the loss of Footman Automotons in Wheatstone and my holdings in Cala Mondrago did not set me back as much as the uninformed may expect.
Power? The tyrant everyone knows about is always dead sooner than the one no-one knows. And I’m not even interested in being the second, politics hold little interest for me.
Why take over the city afterall when I can just use it for a very large laboratory? Each escaped experiment, maddened automoton, reanimated housecat offers me a wealth of data for my research. The large factories I build, the clandestine tests on aetheric powered maches that do things none of you would likely understand if I explained it to you anyway, so we won’t bother.
I even experimented on my old employee, Stargirl, and I liked Stargirl, imagine what happens to people I don’t like?
So buy Footman Industries products, we just put out a new medical balm to reverse the effects of aging, we haven’t tested it yet, but I’m sure the city will do so for us.
Thank you for your participation New Babbage.
This is not some clean, manicured town like some steam lands. This is New Babbage where many of you have a past as dirty as our air.
You need a Magnificent Bastard to give you the moral high ground so you can say “At least I am not him!” You need someone to hate and fight so you can play the hero. I promise you, with me, your lives will not be boring.
“And for the ladies who like Bad Boys …” with a wolfish smile.
“Ladies I am bad to the bone.”
So I’m expected to spend a few minutes telling you little people all my plans so you can have time to thwart them. I don’t think!
And neither should you.
(this announcement brought to you by the minions of Not Kimika Ying-Dagger)
((Reminds me of former Steelhead villain Dr. Malegatto :-) ))
::Steps up onto the stage and clears his throat:: Well, I wouldn’t say precisely supervillain, but people seem to think I’m up to something regardless..
What is supervillaining but the misinterpreted deeds of one who reaches above the norm? Hm? Someone overthrowing the status quo to reach for something beyond, whether it be for an ideal, for the good of mankind or to rule in darkness.
My plan would be to rise up for the good of humanity’s progress! I say Dr. Moreau had it all wrong. You can’t take the fury out of an animal by putting a human mind in it, humans are just as much animal as a horse or cat! ::looks over to Helio and Arnold:: Case in point.. No, Dr. Moreau set himself up for failure from the start. I say you improve on the physical. Bring man up from it’s weak, fleshy state! Give man the strength and speed of his inhuman brethren! Give mankind the claws and teeth needed to cast aside weapons and fight with it’s own power!
::thinks about his plot for a moment:: Hm.. And if in the end, I’m overthrown by my own creations.. Well then, I’ll know I succeeded. ::Grins maniacally::
What is it that we are discussing? Monologuing? What a waste of time. No one listens anyway, caught up in their own petty dramas, wars, experiments, accidental plagues, love, what have you. Action, I tell you. Anyone worth running the city must show no hesitation in taking swift and decisive action. The Clockwinder will say so, I’m certain, and anyone worth his salt will comprehend.
Now that I consider it, this city has a dearth of individuals willing to take responsibility for their insidious (and, alas, quite frequently insipid) deeds.
*smirks craftily*
I’m not one to point fingers, but you know who you are, Mr. Mornington. If one is going to level the city, one should own up to it.
*grumbles*
Supervillian, indeed. Pah!
O.O
I was not near anything at anytime to do with stuff which endangered the city….
A bird flaps up to the microphone, caws for about a minute reciting Iago’s villain speech to a briefly bemused crowd, and flaps off laughing to itself as the food and weaponry comes out.
Thank you, Mr. Gently Benevolent, for your unexpected appearance in our little pagent du mal.