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Re-Opening of the Clacks Towers

In honor of Terry Pratchett Day, the city messengers sent the first official message via the restored long distance visual message relay system. Transcript follows:

[14:00] Ezra Crumb: Why, I remember climbing these when I was just a lad! I wonder if these old hands still remember the codes?
[14:00] Mosseveno Tenk: Sire, I don’t think you should climb the tower. Just cut the ribbon and be official.
[14:01] Garnet Psaltery: Good afternoon, Your Imperial Majesty, Clockwinder, and all
[14:01] Ezra Crumb: *hic*

[14:03] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Am I late for anything?
[14:03] Mosseveno Tenk: we’re waiting for the messengers
[14:03] Mosseveno Tenk: i can’t wait for those oysters.
[14:03] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Ah, thank you Mr. Tenk…
[14:03] Mosseveno Tenk: fresh slimy oysters from Owl Harbor

[14:05] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll walks up to the ledge. “Amazing. Even with the problematic air quality, this is a magnificent view.”
[14:05] Garnet Psaltery: Hello henry
[14:05] Garnet Psaltery: How goes the research>?
[14:05] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Garnet, hello.

[14:06] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Ah… It’s been well.
[14:06] Myrtil Igaly: ‘ello everyone!
[14:06] Jimmy Branagh: ‘ello awl
[14:06] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Hello Jimmy, Hello Myrtil.
[14:07] Garnet Psaltery: Anyone seen the messengers?
[14:07] Jimmy Branagh: Emperor Crumb! ‘ow are you sir? A long toime!
[14:07] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Crumb?

[14:08] Myrtil Igaly: Awww a cat that hasn’t got eaten by the Sewers rats yet!
[14:08] Garnet Psaltery: Do be careful, Emperor, these cobbles are sharp
[14:08] Ezra Crumb: Why hello there!
[14:08] Myrtil Igaly: ‘ello Emperor!
[14:08] Ezra Crumb: I was just saying that I was quite the coder when I was a lad.
[14:08] Myrtil Igaly: Really?
[14:08] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll turns around to see the drunken old man. Urgh. This man looked worse in person. “Er…”
[14:08] Garnet Psaltery: Cobol?
[14:08] Ezra Crumb: Let me go up there and show you young whippersnappers how it is done!

[14:09] Mosseveno Tenk: Sire!
[14:09] Myrtil Igaly: Umm
[14:09] Garnet Psaltery: Oh dear. Ready the blankets
[14:09] Jimmy Branagh: We’re ready sir!
[14:09] Mosseveno Tenk: I think it would be safer if you would just stay here and be official
[14:09] Myrtil Igaly: It’s quite an old technology, and quite a high tower
[14:09] Jimmy Branagh: Oh
[14:09] Ezra Crumb: Nonsense! I can still climb one of these towers!
[14:09] Myrtil Igaly: There ain’t no lifting plateforms or what

[14:10] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Sir? I wouldn’t climb ladders while you’re… Intoxicated.
[14:10] Myrtil Igaly: Probably that we’d find it fascinating too
[14:10] Jimmy Branagh: Oy think th’ Emperor would foind it facinatin’!
[14:10] Ezra Crumb: Here I go!
[14:10] Myrtil Igaly: to see him climb up…
[14:10] Myrtil Igaly: Emperor!!!
[14:10] Dr. Henry Jekyll: WAIT!
[14:10] Myrtil Igaly: Gah
[14:10] Ezra Crumb: You kids!
[14:10] Ezra Crumb: I ain’t so old!
[14:10] Myrtil Igaly: This is dangerous!
[14:10] Jimmy Branagh: Look at thet! ‘ee’s faster than me!
[14:10] Mosseveno Tenk: Myrtil! Grab him!
[14:10] Vic Mornington: surprised he made it up that fast

[14:11] Jimmy Branagh: Oops
[14:11] Garnet Psaltery: oops
[14:11] Myrtil Igaly: Uho…
[14:11] Mosseveno Tenk: Someone get a doctor!
[14:11] Myrtil Igaly: Are you alright??
[14:11] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Good lord!
[14:11] Ezra Crumb: I’m fine!
[14:11] Dr. Henry Jekyll: I am a doctor…
[14:11] Ezra Crumb: Not a scratch
[14:11] Myrtil Igaly: just a broken bone or two
[14:11] Ezra Crumb: Get your bloody hands away from me!
[14:11] Jimmy Branagh: ‘ee’s tough. Seems none the worse faw wear

[14:12] Ezra Crumb: People die when you doctors are around! I don’t trust a one of you!
[14:12] Vic Mornington hands the Emperor a half bottle of Chivas “that should calm your nerves… or deaden them even more…”
[14:12] Mosseveno Tenk: hmm, maybe it’s true
[14:12] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Wha?
[14:12] Mosseveno Tenk: drunks are like babies…
[14:12] Mosseveno Tenk: they bounce?
[14:12] Dr. Henry Jekyll: I assure you, I mean you no harm!
[14:12] Garnet Psaltery: o.O
[14:12] Myrtil Igaly: babies bounce?
[14:12] Jimmy Branagh chuckles
[14:12] Mosseveno Tenk clears his throat
[14:12] Myrtil Igaly: Doctor, maybe you could stand in front of the ladder

[14:13] Myrtil Igaly: and filter those who can climb up
[14:13] Mosseveno Tenk: As you all know, our oyster beds died out long ago, the price of industry.
[14:13] Mosseveno Tenk: For years we were able to import fresh oysters from Owl Harbor
[14:13] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Erm… Alright then… He won’t let me examine him.
[14:13] Mosseveno Tenk: but communications were severed when the tower system fell into disrepair after the telegraphs were installed.
[14:13] Jimmy Branagh: Should we go on Mr. Clockwinder?
[14:13] Mosseveno Tenk: today is a momentous day!

[14:14] Vic Mornington: Oysters…. hmmmmmm… they sell for a lot….
[14:14] Garnet Psaltery: There goes the next tax
[14:14] Myrtil IgalyMyrtil Igaly glances at Mister vic
[14:14] Mosseveno Tenk: our noble messengers will send the first message to owl harbor in decades today!
[14:14] Myrtil Igaly: Yay!!
[14:14] Vic Mornington cheers the messengers
[14:14] Garnet Psaltery: Hooray!
[14:14] Jimmy BranaghJimmy Branagh raises his hands in triumph

[14:15] Mosseveno Tenk: and we will reestablish our shellfish markets here in New Babbage
[14:15] Jimmy Branagh: Actually it’s Myrtil’s triumph
[14:15] Mosseveno Tenk: with fresh slimy Owl Harbor oysters!
[14:15] Myrtil Igaly: no no no
[14:15] Vic Mornington: OYSTERS!
[14:15] Jimmy Branagh: Mmmm oysters …
[14:15] Mosseveno Tenk: Because i’ve missed them. I only get them once a year now when I visit my cousins in Falun at Christmas
[14:15] Mosseveno Tenk: Myrtil! Send the message!
[14:15] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll has one hand on a nearby rung on the ladder. “I hope Owl Harbour is still there. Who knows what might have happened there within the past decades.
[14:15] Mosseveno Tenk: I want my oysters!
[14:15] Garnet Psaltery: Keep the oysters, I’ll have the pearls

[14:16] Myrtil Igaly: At your service Mister Mayor!
[14:16] Myrtil Igaly: So, the message is brought all the way up that tower
[14:16] Mosseveno Tenk: brave girl!
[14:16] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll steps out of the way for Myrtil.
[14:16] Shiki Scarlet: Wine anyone?
[14:16] Jimmy Branagh: Myrtil can send an’ I’ll shout it an’ the replies down to ya
[14:16] Garnet Psaltery: Go Myrtil!
[14:16] Myrtil Igaly: aaaaall the way up
[14:16] Mosseveno Tenk: she’s had to memorize a very complicated set of codes, but she’s a smart girl, our Myrtil

[14:17] Ezra Crumb: Did someone say wine?
[14:17] Ezra Crumb: I believe I will!
[14:17] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Sir!

[14:18] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: Tell us the message you are sending!
[14:18] Myrtil Igaly shouts: So I’m just sending the first message right now!
[14:18] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Alright!
[14:18] Myrtil Igaly shouts: “Message from the government of New Babbage to the Trade Union of Oyster Bay. “
[14:18] Jimmy Branagh shouts: The first message is “The People of New Babbage send greetings to the People of Owl Harbor”
[14:18] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: Excellent! We are all eager to hear the comings and goings of what is going on up there!

[14:19] Vic Mornington: Trade….Union…. o.,O
[14:19] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk glares over his shoulder at Mornington
[14:19] Garnet Psaltery: Do they not have a government or royalty or anything?
[14:19] Vic MorningtonVic Mornington shuffles around
[14:19] Mosseveno Tenk: I wonder how long the relay takes?

[14:20] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Response coming in!
[14:20] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Hm… I’m no engineer, but-
[14:20] Mosseveno Tenk: It’s so exciting, thinking of all those towers flickering their lights. all those noble young people at the ropes!
[14:20] Mosseveno Tenk: here it comes!
[14:20] Garnet Psaltery: Hello Morphed
[14:20] Jimmy Branagh shouts: The response is “Greetings New Babbage. This is a relay from Owl Harbor.”
[14:20] Morphed Carter: greetings
[14:20] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: HARUMBLE!
[14:20] Vic Mornington: well, looks like their relay station still works
[14:20] Garnet Psaltery: Hooray!
[14:20] Mosseveno Tenk: the relay is complete!!!

[14:21] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Relay…
[14:21] Morphed Carter: Indeed! Harumble!
[14:21] Mosseveno Tenk: what a fine day. i can almost taste those oysters
[14:21] Myrtil Igaly shouts: I’m sending the next message!
[14:21] Garnet Psaltery: The relay is never complete *sniggers*
[14:21] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: EXCELLENT!
[14:21] Jimmy Branagh shouts: The next message is “Message from the government of New Babbage to the Trade Union of Owl Harbor Greeting. Would like to negotiate opening the oyster trade between our two states. There is a good market for oysters here in NB, and the Mayor craves them. Please advise your sentiment on this matter.”

[14:22] Vic MorningtonVic Mornington straight to the nub of the matter, good business sense young Jimmy!
[14:22] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk grins
[14:22] Morphed Carter: owl harbour is run by a trade union?
[14:22] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: GOOD WORK!
[14:22] Myrtil Igaly shouts: They seem to be longer to reply this time…
[14:22] Mosseveno Tenk: hmm

[14:23] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll mutters something under his breath, as if he were whispering to an invisible companion. He turns his head to the horizon to avoid suspicion.
[14:23] Mosseveno Tenk: i thought it was just a fishing village… trade unions?
[14:23] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Response coming in!
[14:23] Vic Mornington: might be an incorporate group now… been a long time since the city had dealings with them
[14:23] Mari Moonbeam: where’s the drive-through?
[14:23] Ezra Crumb: About that wine? I’ll have another glass!
[14:23] Jimmy Branagh shouts: The response is “Is Victor Mornington still running the Port?”
[14:23] Vic Mornington: ….
[14:23] Garnet PsalteryGarnet Psaltery laughs
[14:23] Mosseveno Tenk blinks
[14:23] Vic Mornington shouts: tell them no!

[14:24] Dr. Henry Jekyll: They’re onto you, Mornington.
[14:24] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Okay!
[14:24] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk frowns
[14:24] Jimmy Branagh shouts: Oy think ‘ee just runs the hotel, eh?
[14:24] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Yes, will answer that
[14:24] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: Tell them he just runs the hotel!
[14:24] Vic Mornington shouts: yes just a hotelier, tell them the Port Trade Boys still run the gangways
[14:24] Myrtil Igaly shouts: ok sending the answer
[14:24] Jimmy Branagh shouts: Sneding “Mornington is a still running the Hotel, not the Port.. “

[14:25] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk nods firmly
[14:25] Garnet Psaltery: a still?
[14:25] Vic Mornington: seems my shrewed and honest business dealings are known in a lot of places… *beams*
[14:25] Mosseveno Tenk: why would they ask if Mornington was *still* running the port anyway?
[14:25] Morphed Carter shouts: tell them that some of the beds are free of lice these days!
[14:25] Vic Mornington: ummmm….
[14:25] Vic Mornington: oi!
[14:25] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll shakes his head.
[14:25] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Just waiting for their reply right now!

[14:26] Ezra Crumb: Oi! When are you going to open up the Imperial Suite for me?
[14:26] Aqua: lol
[14:26] Dr. Henry Jekyll: …
[14:26] Ezra Crumb: You keep promising, Mr Mornington.
[14:26] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Are you sure you’re okay from falling off the platform, Mr. Crumb?
[14:26] Garnet Psaltery: About the same time the honeymoon suite opens
[14:26] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Coming in!
[14:26] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk rocks on his heels
[14:26] Vic Mornington: its… in progress….
[14:26] Mosseveno TenkMosseveno Tenk looks nervously at Mornington, and at the tower

[14:27] Garnet Psaltery: :o)
[14:27] Morphed Carter: ((btw lovely job on this build))
[14:27] Jimmy Branagh shouts: Ummmm …
[14:27] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Oh…
[14:27] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: WHAT?!?!??
[14:27] Jimmy Branagh shouts: Errrrrrr ….
[14:27] Vic Mornington: i have a bad feeling about this….
[14:27] Mosseveno Tenk shouts: OUT WITH IT!
[14:27] Dr. Henry Jekyll: I take it that’s a no?
[14:27] Myrtil Igaly shouts: Well…
[14:27] Jimmy Branagh shouts: The response is ….
[14:27] Mosseveno Tenk: mornignton…..
[14:27] Mosseveno Tenk: so help me, if you have screwed this up…..
[14:27] Jimmy Branagh shouts: “The answer from the Trade Union is a definite no. Import-export policies forwarded by your importing office under Victor Mornington are unfair and insulting. Until he leaves the city, there will be no negotiation whatsoever, and not one of our precious oysters shall pass your lips. Thank you for your interest. “
[14:27] Aqua: dun dun duuuun

[14:28] Garnet Psaltery: *gasps*
[14:28] Dr. Henry Jekyll: ….
[14:28] Vic Mornington: O.O
[14:28] Vic Mornington: but…but…
[14:28] Dr. Henry Jekyll: What did you do, Mornington?
[14:28] Mosseveno Tenk glares
[14:28] Sweet Misery: *scratches chin*
[14:28] Garnet Psaltery: Hang on, they didn’t say how long he had to leave the city
[14:28] Mosseveno Tenk: Mornington!
[14:28] Myrtil Igaly shouts: They’ve shut down! Can’t send any message anymore…
[14:28] Vic Mornington shouts: tell them the import office is ran by Mr Underby thesedays!
[14:28] Mosseveno Tenk: I want sea trade reestablished with the North! What did you do?
[14:28] Vic Mornington: ohhhhh….
[14:28] Myrtil Igaly shouts: They won’t receive, sorry…

[14:29] Jimmy Branagh shouts: Oy dun think they’re watchin’ anymore
[14:29] Mosseveno Tenk: hmpf
[14:29] Mosseveno Tenk: I’ll be in my office
[14:29] Aqua: oohhh Vic what did you do to to piss them off 0.o ?!
[14:29] Garnet Psaltery: You could just go for a holiday. They wouldn’t know
[14:29] BiyuBiyu ‘s eyes roll from behind the book. “Nonsense,” she mutters quietly to the uproar over the oysters.
[14:29] Vic Mornington: dont worry Mr Tenk!  i’ll sort it out, some of the port lads are heading that way tomorrow to pick up a shipment of… items… they will have a word
[14:29] Ezra Crumb: There he’s gone and stormed off again….

[14:30] Garnet Psaltery: Well done, Myrtil and Jimmy
[14:30] Myrtil Igaly: I wish the mission had been successful though…
[14:30] Ezra Crumb: He needs to relax. He should drink more.
[14:30] Myrtil Igaly: But thank you!
[14:30] Jimmy Branagh: The tower works smashin”
[14:30] Garnet Psaltery: Maybe a holiday is a good idea anyway in the circumstances :D
[14:30] Vic Mornington: yes…. nice long holiday….
[14:30] Ezra Crumb: You learned your code very well there!
[14:30] Myrtil Igaly: Thank you Mister Emperor!
[14:30] Myrtil Igaly: Took me a while
[14:30] Vic Mornington: i wonder if i still have that log cabin close to Oyster Bay… i think someone needs to be payed a friendly….visit….
[14:30] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Mornington, if they know the port boys are working for you, they won’t speak to them.

[14:31] Garnet Psaltery: Go in disguise
[14:31] Jimmy Branagh: An’ Oy wos lookin’ forward ta some oysters mesalf …
[14:31] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Hm…
[14:31] Myrtil Igaly: Yes we never get any!
[14:31] Dr. Henry Jekyll: I’m trying to think of other towns that export oysters…
[14:31] Vic Mornington: plenty of Oysters in the hotel… cost a bit though cause they are so hard to get thesedays *coughs*

[14:32] Ezra Crumb: They go good after a night at the taverns.
[14:32] Jimmy Branagh: Yeh but ifn we could get them in volume th’ proice would come down!
[14:32] Morphed Carter: Aren’t there other fishing villages we can contact with this thing? who aren’t run by millitant trade unions? After all, Vic has improved and only waters down the alcoholic drinks these days.
[14:32] Myrtil Igaly: You could offer a free oysters day in your Hotel Mister Vic, to make up for the trade failing by your fault
[14:32] Aqua: if the dark mer re-appear you could always do your own gathering of oysters if you team up with them :P just a thought
[14:32] Jimmy Branagh: Yes thet would be fair!
[14:32] Vic Mornington: hmmmm… Babbage Oysters…. there is a lot of themn down there

[14:33] Ezra Crumb: I agree, they are overpriced at the Brunel!
[14:33] Morphed Carter: There is a reason people don’t eat the local oysters…
[14:33] Jimmy Branagh: Ya can;t eat Babbage oysters
[14:33] Aqua: how come?
[14:33] Jimmy Branagh: Cuz, they ain;t exactly oysters no more …
[14:33] Vic Mornington: ohhhhhh
[14:33] Dr. Henry Jekyll: They must be venomous.
[14:33] Myrtil Igaly: they don’t even look like oysters

[14:33] Morphed Carter: also snobbery
[14:34] Morphed Carter: imported oysters are more expensive and must therefore be better, stands to reason!
[14:34] Dr. Henry Jekyll: That hardly makes sense.
[14:34] Vic Mornington: although lets be honest, with all the….waste?  yes lets call it “waste” that gets sluiced out from the canals into the vernian, would you eat anything from there?
[14:34] Ezra Crumb: Oysters eat water, you see. So they’re full of what we dump. I wouldn’t eat a local oyster, even if there were any!
[14:34] Jimmy Branagh: They’re more expensive cuz of tariffs ann stuff
[14:34] Garnet Psaltery: Um no

[14:35] Vic Mornington: its not as if its a “big” tarrif for the oyster import….
[14:35] Aqua: just a good de-venom and a detox of filth surely it’s still edibile 0.o ?
[14:35] Myrtil Igaly: Smoked wiggyfish can be tasty though
[14:35] Garnet Psaltery: I wouldn’t eat oysters anyway, they look like snot
[14:35] Shiki Scarlet: I made an oyster man once with dark science….It died in agony moments later~
[14:35] Shiki Scarlet: Desu
[14:35] Morphed Carter: exactly! if we import stuff then people pay taxes on them! If they ate the domestic they’d be eating for free!
[14:35] Jimmy Branagh: Ifn ya get oysters in a free market, they’re cheap
[14:35] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Wha..
[14:35] Sweet Misery: Oh my

[14:36] Jimmy Branagh slowly slips in Gavroche mode
[14:36] Vic Mornington: could open talks with Caledon, but their oysters are those small fresh water things….
[14:36] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Yes, and since Mornington is the town’s tax collector.
[14:36] Garnet Psaltery: They could send them over with some of their water
[14:36] Morphed Carter shouts: oi! you up there! I want to buy some oyster futures!
[14:36] Garnet Psaltery: Nie and fresh
[14:36] Jimmy Branagh: Oy loikes e’m breaded an’ froid

[14:37] Aqua: well small is always good you could always make excuses to have more to eat :P
[14:37] Garnet Psaltery: Good point!
[14:37] Vic Mornington: i’ll have a word with the lads at Oyster Bay, they probably heard some scurrelous rumours which are totally unfounded about the high taxation of their imports over a protracted period of importation into the bay….
[14:37] Vic Mornington: and so forth…
[14:37] Jimmy Branagh glances to see what the Emperor is drinking
[14:37] Jimmy Branagh: Oh, thet’s good stuff …

[14:38] Garnet Psaltery: They might take some convincing in Oyster Bay
[14:38] Dr. Henry Jekyll: You know, I think Alexandria has oysters. The town that is.

[14:38] Myrtil Igaly: Another solution would be for Mister Vic to leave the City, then they’d start the trade again
[14:38] Shiki Scarlet: I need to try brewing some of my special absinthe again~
[14:38] Shiki Scarlet: Wine is rather dull at parties
[14:38] Garnet Psaltery: I’ll decline, thank you, Shiki, after the remark you made about poison ,,,
[14:38] Dr. Henry Jekyll: Erm….

[14:39] Vic Mornington: anyway i best be off, letters to write and so forth, need to chase up the whole oyster thing
[14:39] Garnet Psaltery: Cheerio!
[14:39] Myrtil Igaly: Sure Mister Vic
[14:39] Myrtil Igaly: Things to do, taxes to make up…
[14:39] AquaAqua cocks her head “Mr Crumb are you alright, you don’t look so good I think you may have to go to bed for a good sleep” :P
[14:39] Jimmy Branagh: Yeh us too. Gotta go … do somethin’ … ummmm … never moind.
[14:39] Ezra Crumb: I think it is happy hour at the Monkey. Wouldn’t want to miss it.

[14:40] Myrtil Igaly: Oooh happy hour!
[14:40] Dr. Henry JekyllDr. Henry Jekyll clears his throat.
[14:40] Jimmy Branagh: Oy think it’s awlwhys ‘appy hour at the Monkey Emperor!

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  1. Bookworm Hienrichs Bookworm Hienrichs April 28, 2015

    ((This made me laugh – a lot!  Thanks for posting it!))

  2. violet Solano violet Solano April 29, 2015

    as most people know i do run an import company,one which is not headquarted in New babbage, maybe i can get the trade running again, or at least pick up some oyster consignments for amaranth and …….. reroute them to New babbage, after all once theyre on my ships , theyre mine to do with as i like,have the mayors office contact me if your interested.


  3. Cyan Rayna Cyan Rayna April 29, 2015

    I wonder if anyone has thought about a Babbage Indoor Oyster Farm using the fresh water from the Fells?

    • Nyanka Jinx Nyanka Jinx April 30, 2015

      That’s an interesting idea, Cyan. But where will we obtain the first generation of oysters?

      – Dr. Henry Jekyll

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