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Normal

That’s what I’ve become.

Oh, those other mundane folk will tell me that everyone’s unique in their own special way.

Rot.

What was I?  Master of my domain.  None could rival.  Only a few could even block me.

What am I now?  I don’t even know.  Brother Rudyard slapped this hideous device on me, this reality enforcement collar, and now my demonic nature has completely been suppressed. 

I’m human.  Am I human?  Is this what I really am?  When the demon side is stripped away, this is what’s left.  But what would I be if the demon side were dominant and the human side suppressed?  Which “me” is the real “me”?

I feel so weak, so useless.  And I detest sleeping.  And dreaming dreams that I cannot control… even lucid dreaming is not helping.

On the plus side, many ladies think I’m handsome now, and Phaedra may actually be attracted to me.  Or at least she still finds a use for me, even if it is in her boudoir but not while she’s in dreamland.

Brother Lapis knows, so it seems Rudyard told the whole Church what he was up to, whether they approve of it or not.  I also had a good talk with Doctor Sonnerstein, an intriguing individual, with a not too dissimilar past.  He has learned to suppress the beast within and get along in everyday society like that; is that to be my fate as well?  Better than to be snuffed out of existence. 

I have many plans of revenge.  We shall see which one I happen to execute first.  Pun intended.

I just don’t know if I have the will for it anymore.

Maybe Stargirl was right about me.

Maybe I am redeemable.

 

 

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