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Help Fund My Robot Army

I’m reminded of how I miss Doctor Obolensky. A proper mad genius of the old school, not like these young pups who ASK for money so they can take over the world. And what is the world coming to?

                                                                                                    – Kimika

 

Short fiction by Keffy R. M. Kehrli (text and audio)

[My father] claimed that he and my mother were quite poor back in the day, and
that it has always been difficult for new talent to get a start.
NONSENSE! Absolute nonsense—why, when he was young, a handcrafted
reverse-aging ray might make an enterprising scientist enough money to
live comfortably in an abandoned Alpine castle for several years. Now,
such items are mass-produced by Beauticience Incorporated for a
pittance.

….

I am asking for $40,000,000,000 to pay for equipment, raw materials, rent for my secret lair, and a Playstation.

I have no doubt that you are wondering what I will do if—ah, though it is not “if” so much as “when”!—I surpass my initial funding goals. My stretch goals include a squad of “Steam Punk” robots, including gears, parasols, and gold inlay; a domed city to house survivors, surrounded by a moat complete with robot sharks to keep them safe; and a collection of plush versions of my most popular robot models.

Reward Tiers

$5—My heartfelt thanks.
After I have taken over the world and repopulated most of it with my robotic creations, I will have your name written down somewhere.

$50—You will be spared.
(Probably.)

$125—You and your three closest friends will be spared.
(Probably.)

$100,000—Co-conspirator! LIMITED: 1 of 1 available
Together we will rule the world with iron fists, at least until I tire of you, at which point I suppose we’ll end up as arch enemies and do battle across the scarred surface of the planet. It should be fun while it lasts. In order to make our harmonious co-habitation more feasible, I have built bunk beds.

Comments

Hagfish McCarthyHagfish McCarthy on Sep 29, 2013
I don’t understand why we had to sit through a memoir just to find out what he wants money for.

Dupliticus Jones on Sep 28, 2013
 NOBODY FUND THIS. IT IS A SCAM.

Seamus GearsworthSeamus Gearsworth on Sep 11, 2013
Don’t forget clocks for the steampunk robots!

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