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Decisive action

Fright and shame struggled inside Giles.  Why did he fear Underby so much?  Why did he love Phaedra so dearly?  What should a man do in this situation? 

He sat in his smoking lounge, toying with his custom revolver, unloading and reloading each chamber.  Each click brought him closer to the unavoidable truth – it didn’t matter why he loved Phaedra, only that he did.  It didn’t matter that he was afraid of Underby – he would honor his offer if the ghoul accepted it.

Flicking the chamber closed, Berithos extinguished his cigar and sat up in the armchair.  Yes, he would die if need be, but he wanted to take Underby with him… or at least hurt him.  He thought of the Clockwinder’s warning against open murder.  Hmm… did Babbage even have capital punishment?  If so, Giles would bet that it wouldn’t be a simple hanging.  These mad engineers would probably stretch the condemned to death between two steam engines, or maybe even break him on a giant cog.

Dismissing such thoughts, Giles stood and felt resoluteness pour into him.  Time to strike a decisive blow.  Fear be damned. 

He holstered his revolver and walked straight over to the Bucket.  No one appeared to be there, but he knew that Maggie may very well be skulking in the back.  Silently, he crept to the bar.  He found what he was looking for.  He gently picked up the skull, turned it upside down, unbuttoned his trousers and relieved himself straight into the foramen magnum. 

Setting the skull back on the bar, Giles quickly left.  He nearly skipped back to his surgery, murmuring the lyrics to a little song of his own devising, “La – la – la… I can say no more than this.  Underby’s mother is full of piss.”

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  1. Mr Tenk Mr Tenk May 26, 2011

    *spills his coke and popcorn*

    sky, bring up some towels next time you’re up?



    • Sky Melnik Sky Melnik May 26, 2011

      *laughs so hard she has to wipe away tears and stumbles as she gets up*
      Hahahahahahahaha…yeah, workin’ on it…hahahahahahaha…

    • Stargirl Macbain Stargirl Macbain May 26, 2011

      *laughs so hard she has to pull out her hanky to dab at her eyes, she holds it out at Tenk when she’s done* 

      Well, I certainly didn’t see THAT plot twist coming!

  2. Bib Blackrain Bib Blackrain May 26, 2011

    Bib emerged from the wall behind the dartboard with two large brown bottles.  He peered around to see if anyone new had entered in the minute or so since he had left.  Didn’t seem like anyone had, the bar was still mostly empty except for that weird so-called philosopher sitting in the back corner.  Easy to forget he was there.  

    He replaced the bottles and began to wipe the bar down when he noticed liquid on the end of the counter.  Bib looked around again.  Had that been there?  Why did it surround Ozzie’s ma’s skull?

    He picked up the skull, more liquid dribbled out.  What the hell?  Do skulls leak?

    Bib looked inside the skull.  He leaned forward, wrinkling his nose and took a sniff.

    “Phoo!” he called out.  

    Jumped-up Jehosaphat, someone took a leak in Mrs U’s skull!  Bib glanced back at the philosopher, but his eyes were closed.  Thinking.  Or sleeping.  Maybe dead.  Either way, he hadn’t seen.  

    Bib trotted back to the dart board and clicked open the wall.  How does one clean a skull?

  3. Zaida Gearbox Zaida Gearbox May 26, 2011

    *pats Mr. Tenk on the back while hooting with laughter herself*

  4. Jedburgh30 Dagger Jedburgh30 Dagger May 26, 2011

    *makes a note for ordering more popcorn and towels*

    That’s the way to use your head.  Her head.

    *doubles over laughing*

  5. Arnold -Gager- Arnold -Gager- May 26, 2011

    Hmmm…’What could possibly go wrong’ now?

    *Thinks about it for a few minutes and smiles, then looks up at everyone else*  Can I join in watching this trolley wreck?  It’s even better than the real one.

  6. Leia Rossini Leia Rossini May 26, 2011

    *reattaches her @ss,  which she had ceremoniously laughed off, and sidles up to the first available seat to eagerly await the next scene.  


  7. Buckminster Solo Buckminster Solo May 26, 2011

    This sort of thing is exactly why I keep my mother’s skull in a safe, secure place where it can’t be touched!

    What? Why are you looking at me like that? Whaaaat?!?



  8. Grendel Footman Grendel Footman May 26, 2011

    I think my mother’s skull is buried under a few feet of permafrost, noone’s releiving themselves in that head

  9. Jonathon Spires Jonathon Spires May 26, 2011

    This seems destined to end violently.

  10. Yang Moreau Yang Moreau May 26, 2011

    ::chokes on his tea, covering up his nose:: Oh my! Now it really IS war, isn’t it?

  11. Booger Sonnerstein Booger Sonnerstein May 26, 2011

    ::Scald offers Bib some bleach and some wormwood and tobacco extracts for after, miming a pour and swishing motion::

  12. Cadmus Lupindo Cadmus Lupindo May 26, 2011

    *Wonders if there is someway to profit from this situation*

    • Arconus Arkright Arconus Arkright May 27, 2011

      Try selling insurance to anyone within a 10 mile radius. This *will* get ugly(er).

  13. Jedburgh30 Dagger Jedburgh30 Dagger May 31, 2011

    Really it may have been quite a good thing for the old girl, since I do have it on good accounts that there was a great deal of tobacco ash inside the cranium…

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