*Several crossed out passages, ripped pages, and broken quills later…*: Thursday, March 1st
I have not written anything in a journal in months, in fact I had given up on it. But when Lo said it was a good way to get her thoughts out, and feel better, I decided to try.
I’ll start with something that just confuses me…on Feb 28th I received a letter from Miss Sharp where she complimented me. Miss Sharp has never complimented anyone in my hearing…but that wasn’t to be the end of the surprises. On February the 29th while I was completing my service to Emerson he declared us friends and dragged me off to celebrate!
I didn’t know what to say, or how to argue with him, no one’s ever done that before! We had an overdue discussion I remember, but what’s even more confusing is that on March 1st Lo also proclaimed me her friend and dragged me off to even more dances! She showed me her journal and poetry she wrote! We’ve barely spoken to one another before now and I ended up doing the Sonnerstein household’s dishes just because she’d complained they never had clean glasses!
I don’t get it…why would anyone want to be my friend? As confusing and surprising as their approaches were…Lo appears to be as kind as I’ve always heard, and if Emerson wanted to hurt me he had his chance and passed. I think I can come to consider them my friends eventually, especially considering the effort they’ve put into it. I mentioned to Emerson why I hadn’t even told the Lionhearts what I really wanted, that someone would overhear and try to convince him to keep our agreement just to hurt me.
I was quite happy to hear him say he’d have told them to shove it. I was needlessly paranoid about that, but the less associated I am with contracts in anyone’s mind the better I think…
As for the Lionhearts, I don’t think Helio will blame me after I explain why I did it. It was my conversation with the professor that actually made me realize that I needed to get out of the deal with Emerson. During that same talk he had also been the one telling me that no one could be trusted and that people just liked to watch others suffer sometimes.
It’s late though…I’ll write more tomorrow on this and about my little issue with Lo’s company…*Puts journal into a locked box which he then hides in his paranoia*
Friday, March 2nd
I’m feeling better than I have been recently…I can’t help but wonder if my compulsion to fulfil that contract was in my head, like how Dr. Maddox tells me my need to confess to Bookworm had been. I don’t think I will put it to the test however.
I have dealt with my tasks as best as I could, but it was not easy. I would put the monkey to bed sometime around ten or later and then arrive at Mumsy’s for five AM. I tried to be up thirty minutes before that to be alert…I’m worried that I may have became dependent on coffee to meet with these demands, but I quit drinking the liquid and won’t start again. I was surprised to learn the Builders would also be giving it up.
When I mentioned this in passing however…people expressed concern for my health. They might be right…I was restless even before I stopped using caffeine. I’ve never minded the walls of this city as much as I have when I realized that I couldn’t leave them. I had to be in town for the monkey and Mumsy, so there was no way I could depart. I was trapped.
I have never met a cat that liked to feel trapped. Running around the city wasn’t enough after awhile…in the past week I’ve done everything I could to get my mind off of things. I’ve been fencing, dancing, and I’ve actually been singing full verses to the monkey putting everything that I am into the verses. One of the neighbors threw a shoe at the house.
Actually that’s probably the nicest thing they threw or shot at Lighthouse’s home, but nothing was damaged that I hadn’t fixed before his return. When people ask why I’m doing these things I’ve been telling them I was celebrating my impending victory over Emerson. It’s at least part of the truth, and maybe one day I’ll tell everyone the whole story.
The claustrophobia is vanishing slowly. I need to take a short trip somewhere, probably Mondrago in the coming weeks to get away from Babbage for a time.
It will also be a chance to sort my thoughts on Lo and the secret I know that she may not. Every time she talks to me or I see her I can’t help but think about what Gil told me about Underby and Pip. I wonder if she already knows, if I should tell her, if she would be upset if I didn’t now and had to tell her later, or if it’s even my story to tell. I was going crazy enough keeping my own plans secret from the people I call friend, and this isn’t helping. I need to talk to Gilhooly again…he must have dealt with this before me and might be able to help.