Dear Miss Hienrichs,
As you know, it has been my habit in the past of writing you a brief letter before heading off on one of my hair-raising, death defying adventures. My most recent adventure was upon me so suddenly however that I had no chance of warning you in advance of my potential absence. No fear, I am safely returned after only about 24 hours, having valiantly fought off Morlocks, Tharks, Martian royalty and an insane paediatric psychiatrist who has been living underground creating monsters and medicinal concoctions for the last half century. Perhaps most incredible of all is that all this occurred hundreds of feet beneath the streets of Clockhaven.
Of particular note is the fact that I successfully destroyed the cure to the common cold produced by the maniac known as Dr. Joe. Apparently he had plans on sending it to Mars – or some such nonsense. I have never been one to trust these so called inoculations given out by my colleagues. Most doctors are little more than charlatans afterall (excluding myself of course).
Upon returning to the surface I was most chagrined to discover that an inoculation program has been going on in town purportedly to prevent the zombie outbreak Victor is sure to unleash upon us (despite what he says). While these inoculations may be good in theory, the results may be dire for some. A few nights ago, Miss Ginsburg, Squire Malus and I were forced to lock one of our barmaids, Miss Moemo (or is it Momoe?) in the cellar after she began to stagger around, reeking of putrefaction and muttering incoherently. Apparently she later escaped into the sewer system and has since been confined to the local asylum.
In any event, Miss Hienrichs, it may ease your mind to know I will be vigilantly manning the Tesla cannon on the roof of my house shooting anything pale and creepy that dares to wander alongside the Stora Canal – except Miss Phaedra Byrne of course.
Sincerely your ever vigilant neighbour,
Sir Sir Emerson Lighthouse,
MD, PHD, MBA, NBE, (double knighted, twice retired)
Another Letter to Miss Hienrichs
Dear Miss Hienrichs,